Trouble

Twice now I have blundered with my niece, who is a therapist, and my daughter, who is a nurse straightened me out. I was speaking to her as a therapist and not giving her understanding and love, said my daughter.

My brother drunk messaged her. It wasn't nice and I agreed with her about that. My daughter said that I excused it because he was drunk posting and probably doesn't even remember saying what he said or he may remember saying something jokingly to her.

That doesn't matter. What does matter is that I talked to her like a therapist. He is sick. It is important to let him know what he said to you when he is sober. Instead, she sent the messages out to me, her dad and my daughter.

Joanna said she wanted support in saying that he is a mean miserable person. I couldn't support that. That is not who he is when he is not drinking. He is alcoholic and drug addicted. He is sick.

Joanna said when it is family, you can't talk to them like you might to the people you work with in training. The ones you want to help our Native American people. Because she more than likely does well with that.

Then she said, what she doesn't do well with is when it is family calling her fat in a message when she simply updated her photo. I told my daughter she isn't fat, and I think she knows that. So, he is teasing her and he thinks he is being funny.

After spending a day with this message, I realized it was more than what just happened. My brother's wife died last year from cirrhosis, and I had reached out to my niece in her role of helping community, helping people who are struggling.

This is what is going on and I didn't even recognize it until this last talk. It really wasn't about my brother. It was my belief that she doesn't understand addiction/alcoholism, so how can she help our people. I thought I was just trying to help.

Then it dawned on me that I had told her I wasn't seeing my sister-in-law at any functions or family gatherings and that I was told she only goes to clinic. Can someone check on her. When my sister-in-law was dying, we had our first go around. I figured it was because I was tired. I apologized for my comments that she took personally.

No one did check on my sister-in-law. I think I have a resentment that is coming out wrong. I learned to deal with resentments and will start that immediately. Sometimes it is a big question in my mind that goes like, "What just happened? Why can't I just read, understand her point and move on with my day?"

No, not me. I have to address the situation like she should know better in her role as helper. She can't. When it is family, it is so different and I know that very well. So, I will do better. I apologized and sent a note saying exactly that. I know she got it but didn't respond.

She is mad again. It was a year since my last blunder. And it took about 9 months before she started talking to me again. I'm getting too old for this. You would think I could get the message earlier.

Then my brother said her family from the other parent are not nice people. Some of what he said is the truth. Not all drunk posting is lies, exaggerations or teasing, some of it is truth.

But when you include everyone, it is including that family member too. I can understand her being upset about that. And I can understand her defending her loved ones.

This is not a major trouble, and we all will get past it. My mother used to get in trouble for saying things, and I so relate to her when she got into trouble. She would just carry on. She was the truth teller and sometimes that truth hurt. I am close to her age when she died now. I miss my mother.

Sometimes family would just say. Yes, that is just mom being mom or grandma being grandma. I suppose they say that about me too. Joanna is a mother bear, and it doesn't matter if I am her mother or not, as if I hurt one of her brood, even accidentally, she will let me know. My niece is one of her brood.

The only good thing about my trouble is that she may get closer to her dad again as she has been angry with him. And she will always be close to her second mother, my daughter Joanna.