I have spent the last 4 months traveling to 13 different countries.
To say the least, I was exhausted. I was supposed to continue until July 15 in Europe, but am coming home by July 1.
I need this break to be home. I just need some time in my own bed again, in a familiar setting, to be able to physically be with friends and family- I'm sure I'll get sick of it as soon as I get back.
But I am craving a good night sleep. I want to start working out my body again.
I'm curious to how it will go seeing Troy again? I genuinely don't know.
He has definitely been seeing other girls. After spending time with men abroad, they are all the same.
Barely any of them have any respect for women.
Meeting Tyler reminded me that anyone can hop on a plane and begin traveling, even later in life. He had never gotten on a plane prior to doing this Europe trip and he's 23. Now he's traveled to god knows how many countries and probably has been to more places than his own friends who had traveled prior to him as well. A bit of a catch up.
I don't regret meeting that man, as terrible and awful as the whole situation was. He taught me that I am an extremely jealous and possessive person- I don't want to share. And if I found out that you slept with someone else after already being with me, it will 100% continue to bother me and I will never be able to forgive it. I would continue to obsessively think about how you had been inside her, doing exactly what I thought was intimate and special between me and you. I'm no longer special then. You would fuck anything with legs. I would always be aware that you want to fuck anyone that comes onto you and that honestly disgusts me. You clearly don't have any standards and can't control yourself when you are drunk. You feel dirty to me. I don't want to touch you anymore because the idea and concept continues to creep into my brain- and I don't like feeling that way.
To top it off- this man is UGLY. Not my type at all. But I had limited options because I was abroad and didn't feel like using the apps to meet men. I gave this man a chance simply because I was horny off of sangria. And then he made me cum twice and we were fuck buddies.
I am a romantic. I like to feel safe enough to be myself when I am with you. I need to be able to trust you to allow my inner child to come out. I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't allow for this level of safety and comfort to be brought out in me. I only want to surround myself with people I genuinely feel like have a good soul.
There was a time where I considered him a friend, someone I could trust and talk about my travel experiences with and he would understand because we were both doing this experience together but separately. He was my support away from home at the time. But that all changed after I found out he slept with someone else less than a week after we had spent a romantic weekend together. I can not feel safe or secure enough to open myself up again and be vulnerable to share my body and mind with you when I know you have a wondering eye and are not focused on me only. I like to be cute and to feel playful and vulnerable with the man I'm with- and I can not do that when I don't feel safe. He didn't even buy anything for me. Everything was split. The only thing that man had going for him was our trauma bond, being the only man I met who could be flexible to come and fuck me in multiple countries, and the toxic but great sex.
I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let him back into my life- letting him disrespect me like that? You had the best, you lost it. A tough lesson but he will remember me as the girl who got away as he fucking should. He needs to know that I pulled away and he will never get my vulnerable and intimate side again.
If you tell a woman that you miss her and care for her everyday after spending a weekend away together, but fuck another girl within a week, and tell her that you wished it was her and was thinking of her the whole time- how would you react? He said no other women compares, but only realized that after putting his dick into her body.
I had just been with him and he had already slept with someone else.
That wasn't the part that bothered me. It's the fact that he would still communicate with me everyday, saying he missed me. Don't do that. Don't pine after me when you have literally already been inside someone else's body.
I don't understand the way men think. If I truly liked someone, I wouldn't fuck someone else. I don't care that we weren't in a relationship. That's some bullshit.
And he had the audacity to say that we were friends after? I didn't enjoy spending time with him to begin with, the sex was really the only thing that was keeping us together. Maybe that's why I reacted the way I did.
He said there's no girls like you in South Carolina, and he also only understood how special I was after fucking that other girl. That pissed me off.
If you can only realize my worth after fucking someone else, you aren't worth my time. Others will know off the bat. But the fact that you needed to test it? Disgusting. You'd probably forget again in the future and fuck it up again.
He really said that I should have said I wanted to be monogamous. He put it on me. But I didn't tell him to go fuck another bitch. Just remembering the audacity of this man really pisses me off.
Everyone about him pissed me off. That's why the sex was so good. I hated this man- I didn't agree with anything he would say and I felt lesser than when I was around him. I hated how opionated he was. I hated how I felt like I wasn't able to have a voice in his presence. He would always want to fight with me and it was exhausting. I didn't care for half the things that would come out of his mouth.
After I realized he couldn't fuck me anymore because I hated his guts- he still wanted us to get lunch together. The audacity of this man. He wanted me to feel sorry for him because he said it was getting to him seeing people for 2-3 days and never seeing them again. I understood but also fuck you ! I'm not your emotional support girl. You lost that privilege.