To you

Dear.... Mother you are the person whom I looked up to. You are the greatest's, as the person who gave birth to me and gave me life. But i write this for you to read because it is hard to write this and to tell you the thing i dearly want to confess to you.

However I would like to remind you of times we had while at the park. When the sky was blue and the sun high in the sky beading down on us. Where we both smiled and laughed happily. Maybe one day you will read this and remember the time we sat together with dad around a picnic table eating turkey sandwiches by the river. When i didn't have to worry dozing off on in the middle of the street. And I hope, NO i prey i dont get a phone call in the middle of the night from my sister that you finally fully abandoned us.

In this letter mother Im going to tell you what ive always needed too and wanted to tell you. I know if you ever get to read this it will hurt so much and maybe you might wake up but thats the hope that still holds on to you. Deep down I know you wont change even if you say you have. You could get an apartment and pretend to be clean but i always notice the newly poked holes and the odd smells coming from your bag.

Always telling me with tears in your that you love me so dearly and that i have no doubt you do. i know you love me. that is something I have never fought against nor have i denied. Yet you love for me and my sister was never enough for you to quit was it. Its alright mother theres no need to worry about it anymore.

Those sleepless nights i cried out for with watery eyes, dad came in and calmed me down. All those times i looked for you during the school assembly and my graduations, my dad and aunt were there. The times i was bullied for being motherless and abandoned by you, my dad came in and save me from them. You dont need to worry about me though mother my aunt is just as good... no she is better than you because she was there for everything for me.

While you were gone she stepped up and became the mother i needed. dad did his best but he and i knew that it wasn't the same. i no longer call out for you mother because I cant keep chasing after a shadow and listening to the whispers of lies you feed into my ear saying you will do better. i No longer call out to you mother because i took away the life you wanted to have and lead.

Mom what ive always wanted to tell you is. That i fell responsible for everything that has happened to you after i was born. I apologize for the face i was not a good enough daughter for you. i couldn't make you proud to stay nor could i keep my own sister from running away. i feel like i pushed you towards the edge even more. Mom i blame myself for causing your pain because i could see you in pain and hurting but i could not do anything. and now all i want to do is disappear like you but I deserve everything thats coming at because i was not good i was a terrible child that no longer wanted to call for her mother but was to scared to be left by her

Dear mother i no longer call to you because i realized I do not deserve you anymore.