Throwing Out The Labels

I saw this post recently on Facebook, and I couldn't agree more. Most days, I regret saying anything about being polyamorous when I decided to tell the world two years ago. Although it is my truth, and I had been living this way from the beginning, there is something to be said about not having to say anything, and just being.

I read a comment under the post that said something to the effect that having to explain polyamory inhibits our freedom, which defeats the purpose of polyamory. I don't know about that, but I can tell you that I have seriously gotten tired of talking about it. I would prefer to just go on with my life the way I was meant to live it.

Polyamory has been around for years. It is just now becoming the taboo topic that is on everybody's minds since more celebrities have told their truth. But did any of us really not already know this about those of them that came out? These were well documented facts. So why does it matter that now there's a fancy word connected to it.

Everybody jumps on the newest trends as though they are ever really new. Things just simply come back in fashion. For me, after witnessing a truly polyamorous relationship in my family, and watching the adults around me constantly cheating on their partners, I knew that being open and honest was the way that I wanted to relationship. It did not need a title when I was younger, it was just called being honest.

I remember the first time I heard the term polyamory. It was on an HBO special series. I thought to myself, I identify with this, but I didn't want to tell anybody but my husband. I started to do my own research, joined some groups, and talked to others who live the lifestyle to see if this was actually what I thought it was from the show. Turns out that it was what I thought it was, and that was exactly how I wanted to live.

Once I put the label on it people started to believe that I just wanted to have threesomes and I had truly became this overly sexual promiscuous woman right before their eyes. The truth is that polyamory doesn't mean that you are having more sex than anyone else. It is about relationships and being free to pursue those relationships in all of their forms. It's about connecting and building, and all the things that come with being in monogamous relationships. As a matter of fact, sex isn't more frequent because we spend most of our time scheduling time to be with our multiple partners to the point that there really isn't a whole lot of time for sex. It happens, don't get me wrong, but it isn't our focus. The focus is to build relationships.

I would much prefer to have never said anything and just lived in my truth. Now people ask me the most ridiculous questions. "Don't you get jealous?" Not more jealous than when I was practicing monogamy. "When you are having sex, how do you keep the names of the partner that you're with straight?" I know who I'm with when I'm with them. The same way I did when I was single. "What about STIs?" I've been grown a long time, I know how to protect myself. It isn't different from the threat of an STI when you're single and having sex with multiple people. The main difference is with the knowledge that I am having sex with multiple people and my partner is as well, I know that I need to be tested, and I do test frequently, unlike monogamous people who don't realize that their partner is cheating on them, then they catch something, and spread it.

I'm an educator by nature and career choice, so if asked a question, I tend to feel the pull to answer it no matter how truly ridiculous or disrespectful the question can get. I just feel like if I had never told anyone that I was poly, I would have never gotten any questions. I think the reason why I said something in the first place was because I was asked what I think about polyamory in a public forum, but now I wish I would have just said what I thought of polyamory and not admitted that I was polyamorous. There are a lot more of us than people think. Most just are quiet about their relationships. I don't want to hide, but I don't want to talk about it anymore either. I'm just tired of the label. At this point, I'm just Nailah.

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