These days

A good friend of mine told me after I opened up to him about my problems,

" You'll probably find the answers if you write your feelings out. "

So, here I am writing about one of the many things I have been going through since updating on this website.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday and normally I wouldn't pay this any mind except he called me out of the blue in a panic a few weeks back saying that my aunt's son wasn't giving him money from his account. ( He is an executor of some sort ).

I have been somewhat estranged from the man due to his illusive nature and inconsistency through out my life so, the bombardment of his laments and complaints on the phone just made me feel overwhelmed. His apologizing for the wrong things and just being wrapped up in his own suffering made me feel somewhat disgusted that he only reached out because he wanted money from my mom to come back to the mainland ( He sent me a short message a few months back saying he moved to Hawaii ). I regret giving her his number but I really didn't know what he was wrapped up in and at the very least my mom can talk to him.

Though I have been even having reservations about my mom as well lately since the lies and such have been piling up, felt I had to put that away at least for now to figure out what's going on, but I feel like I am reading pages of book I just want to burn.

My dad's sister also called saying he has gone through all his funds and that is the reason they couldn't give him money. I don't know what to believe because no one is looking at the transactions and since I am completely displaced in this chaos, I don't really have a footing anywhere.

" I would be more focused on trying to preserve your inheritance in your situation."

It has already been several days since I worked on posting this, and I still have no idea how I feel at the end of it. I decided to not keep in contact with her though they keep posting stuff on Facebook. I rather stay blissfully ignorant of my dad's woes so I can actually continue to work on my stuff in my life.

It might be harsh, but it is all I can handle at the moment. I am bound by financial and mental health things that are hard enough to get over, I don't need emotional blackmail on top of it to keep me stuck to the ground.

I am trying to see if I can get my Fiverr profile all figured out so I can feel good about going about town and trying to figure out a goal/job for me to do. It might be sort of meager for right now but I need to take baby steps in the direction I want and I am trying to build up momentum that sort of got knocked down during all this family drama stuff popping up.

I had more ambitious plans for this website, but I guess this will just be my forever livespace blog...