The very emotional trip to Belize

Last year my first girlfriend, Tania Thakur, died in Kanpur, India. When I found out the news I was very shocked. I went to visit her family a few months ago. Her parents wanted me to take some of her ashes and put them in the Mopan river in Belize. In our religion some ashes are put in a river as a homage to the passing of the soul.

Tania was very fond of Belize. She and I had gone on a one month vacation there in 2005 and she always felt that it was one of the best times of her life. I was very happy when I was there with her too.

Later, in 2007, she and I went our separate ways. She got married to a gentleman, Raj Ashok, in New Delhi but after a few years she got divorced. I got married in a few years and live with my wife, Sangeeta Patel, and daughter, Meenal, in Montreal.

Over the years Tania and I hardly kept in touch but we were always an email away from each other.

After meeting her parents I took the ashes they gave in an urn and returned to Canada. I told Sangeeta that I plan to go to Belize and the reason I wanted to go. She supported me going there but did want to go to Belize. I understood and respected her decision, and then took a flight to Belize. This trip was going to be four days long.

On the penultimate day of the trip I went to a forest near the Mopan river. Tania and I had been to the same place in 2005.

The day I went this time was a warm day in June 2021. There was no one nearby. My taxi driver left me there and would be back in three hours so I could return to my hotel in the town where I was staying 85 kilometers away. So, in a sense, I was alone there for a few hours with the majestic nature of the forest. I looked at the Mopan river. It was flowing so smoothly and the water seemed pristine.

I was about to immerse Tania’s ashes in the river but thought I would wait a few minutes. I cried a little and missed Tania a lot at that moment. I also remembered the trip of 2005. Remembering the good memories was bringing a faint smile to me but missing her was superceding that and making me cry. I held my head and walked towards the river.

From a distance I could see some birds and some other animals such as monkeys and squirrels. One bird came flying towards me. It was a beautiful scarlet macaw. Its colours were so nice but blue was very prominent. I thought at first it was coming to attack me but I was wrong. It flew close to me and sort of tapped me on my shoulder and then sat on a branch on a tree very near to me.

I looked at it. I felt like it was smiling towards me. I was not sure what was happening. I immersed Tania’s ashes in the river. The scarlet macaw flew near me and then towards the part of the river where I had immersed the ashes. It touched the water and then flew away.

I found all this remarkable. It seemed as if Tania had returned for a short time. Her soul had gotten into the scarlet macaw temporarily. I know this was not possible but this is what I felt happened then.

The scarlet macaw flew away and went to the trees far from me. I sat near the river and waited for my taxi to return. After the taxi returned, I then went back to my hotel in it. During the trip I thought of Tania a lot as well as of the scarlet macaw. I think I will never forget this day. I was looking forward to returning to Montreal to my family in two days. This trip to Belize was one of the most emotional trips in my life so far.