The Secrets of Sex

Sex should be something intimate and fun between partners, not a chore or something to trade with.

While it has been awhile since I've been that intimate with someone in person, I can tell you whats good and whats not. Primarily because the guys I've slept with were....subpar. Don't question the logic, just accept it.

First things first: Consent.

Now, this may seem redundant but I want to cover this first for a very specific reason. It's F*cking Important.

Your partner will tell you their ready for something, and when they say 'no' or a safe word, you stop. Whether its sex with full penetration or oral or anything, if they want you to stop, you stop.

It also kills the mood if you do something they aren't ready for. Like a new position that they physically can not bend into, just because I'm a woman does not mean that I bend in half like a piece of paper.

I was dating a guy once who, while we were having sex doggy style, he decided to try anal; something which I did not agree to before this particular moment. And when I screamed because IT HURTS, he didn't stop the first time because I couldn't get the words out but I tried to crawl away. I was so pissed, I got up and started to get dressed and I slapped him across the face so hard he hit the floor.

I didn't talk to him for a week, and I only called him to let him know it was over between us.

I want to make it very clear, going from one hole to another is not just interchangeable okay? And no, we never ever believe you did it on accident. Even if you are forgiven for it, your partner will be on high alert in case you did it again. This guy tried to tell me that he thought I'd like it better if he just did it instead of asking me about it just because I like it rough.

Yeah, no. Still ask before you just charge in full throttle.

Now that that is out of the way, we can get to the fun stuff.

The Things You Should Do

Sex is supposed to fun between all parties involved, whether it's between two people or even three or four, after consent, the most important thing is to be comfortable and have fun.

Experimenting with new toys is also a great way to take sex to another level. I know some men feel like if their partners have a vibrator that they may be 'inadequate'. I was dating a guy that asked me to bring my own vibrator when we went on a weekend trip and when he saw it, he got so mad he tried to throw it away. But I paid $60 for it and I demanded it back, I don't spend money on frivolous things too often but I felt like it was more of an investment because I've never met anyone who said a vibrator was a bad investment.

Accept the toys, if anything, you can tease your partner with them until they beg for you. It's insanely hot.

Be openminded, some people need more time to finish that others. Whether it's because of past trauma or of certain medications they take. If you care enough about the person to know that they need more time to orgasm, you take the time. Again, experimenting is so much fun, yes it'll probably take a few rounds to get the process down, but it;ll be worth it.

Things You Should Not Do

Primarily, for me personally, I don't like when my partner brings something into the bedroom, or wherever we get busy, that I specifically have said 'no' to beforehand. I have tried anal beads and I did not enjoy them, and when I told him that he said he understood. So when he pulled them out of a bag and showed them to me, I was mad. I told him no and he said that I should just let him try them with me. Except he was rougher in the bedroom than I was used to in general, so I told him no again and he proceeded to try and persuade me, I left.

Don't make your partner do something that they are clearly uncomfortable with. Again, if they say no, don't try and pester them with requests until they give up and say yes out of exhaustion of you asking them. It's desperate and annoying and they'll probably complain about you to friends for a couple weeks and then break up with you.

Overall, listen to your partner. Listen to what they like or don't like. IF it's not fun and pleasurable for everyone involved, why do it?