The running shame

G

One thing far more worse to me than my fear of snakes was fear of crowds. l was born with a nuclear level of fear of snakes and crowds and every time was near the two my body would shake with fear and soon after a moment of mental blankness. I don't know maybe it was the sudden glances of eyes for the crowds or how a single snake bite can kill a man that created these phobias. Anyway, l was still at a young age at the time, and my Zimbabwean family liked to travel around visiting tourist spots as a bonding experience for the whole family.

One day we went to great Zimbabwe ruins believed to be the birthplace of the nation. Along the way there we made many food stops since sitting in a car for hours is painful so regular stops helped us rejuvenate. When we finally got there we entered the ruins and began to traverse them. Along the way, you would meet different types of tourists from different countries who were curious about the wonder.l hid behind my mum out of fear of the passing strange people as l saw it. l had wanted to stay in the car but we left it in the parking area which was very far behind at that point.

So whilst walking l started to have a stomach ache and it quickly began to change to a running stomach .l reach out to my mum and l told her a had to go to the lavatory fast. She says "can't you hold it until we are done". At that point l was near peak eruption, my whole body was shaking and sweating, each movement seemed to push me nearer to my doom. All this is happening in the middle of Great ruins where there is no toilet for miles, only taped water was available. So to minimize the disaster,r, my mother rushes me to sink quickly increases m,e and tells me to let it out now.l did and she quickly washed me as fast as possible and only a few people truly saw the situation.

I was very happy nothing had caught the attention of many tourists.

However, my happiness was short-lived when l realized both my clothes and underwear wear in the splash zone. So l was undressed then my mum washed the clothes for me, she hands me a handkerchief to cover my forefront and tells me to run to the car when the other clothes were.This task needed me to lose my fear of crowds and just run through butt naked to our car without this plan l would have to finish the tour naked, so the alternative was pretty bad. So l start running one had on the handkerchief and the other cover my face, the level of shame l had to swallow felt like being stuff in a jungle and every leaf and tree branch was people's eyes piercing my very existence.  When l was almost there l stumble on an uneven road and the handkerchief falls, l quickly get up and a bus full of tourists was just entering the parking area.  All there saw was a fully nude boy, at this point l had no choice but to leave the handkerchief and just run naked through a swam of tourists and their cameras.l finally get to the car and get changed, at this point my heart and my head are not in a union, one with shame and the other with blame. To make matters worse l even had to go back and you could see that everyone recognized me even people my age boys and girls.l just paraded back in shame, l felt like a celebrity in a scandal being attacked by paparazzi. You could hear little voices all over saying naked boy, it's like l could hear them whisper shame, like a dramatic episode of game of thrones. Until l reached my family l was driven almost to tears and most of it was in my head and if l could spank myself that day l would.To this day l have PTSD about going back to great Zimbabwe ruins