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The Right Wing In This Country Is My Family Write Large

And This Country Is Doomed

By Mytoxic FamilyPublished 2 years ago 10 min read
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The only pic I have of my mom, and my recently-clipped thumbnail.

I really, really did not want to write about politics on here. This is supposed to be a place for me to write about my family of origin, all the fucked up shit they did to me (and each other) in some sort of effort to understand myself.

I'm still fairly new to this and haven't written all that much, so I haven't really built up any kind of following that would know what I talk about when I talk about my sister. Suffice to say she is a monster. She is violent, manipulative, bullying, and, in the end, a fucking murderer who got away with killing my mother because she was smart enough to do it in a way that is very, very hard to prove. (Read my stuff if you are interested in learning more.)

As far as I know, until 2016, Katie was also pretty apolitical. At least, I never heard her say anything about politics. She did watch Fox News fairly regularly. I knew that. But I actually thought it was more for entertainment purposes. Once Trump got in the White House, though, she was all in for him.

Which makes sense because Trump is all those things I just said she is: violent, manipulative, bullying, and, in the end, a fucking murderer who got away with killing hundreds of thousands because he was smart enough to do it in a way that gives him enough plausible deniability that his minions will protect him.

I, on the other hand, have always been very politically aware, very outspoken and am about as left as a person can get.

My sister as President!

In some ways – at least in the most personal ones – the most annoying and painful thing for me watching Trump for four years was seeing how he was doing to the country exactly what my sister did to my family. And now that he is gone, we see it in the Republican Party, in the entire Trump family, and in the violent groups taking their cue from them (Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, etc.)

First, there's the lies.

Towards the end, my mother had a home health aide who took care of her Monday-Friday, 9-5. I was over at their house a lot, mainly because she and my father needed help at night and the weekends, and the state simply decided they wouldn't pay for that. Never mind that both of them had dementia, my father used a walker, and my mother had one leg after a diabetes-related amputation.

My sister at first used to go over and steal things from my parents. She would befriend the aides in the hope they would look the other way and to help her get control over my parents.

When I started going over, that all changed. I would inform the aides as to what my sister was doing, and they would become more protective. Not all aides are great. But I do believe most people see helpless old folks and they can't help but want to protect them to a certain extent.

So, my sister, in an attempt to regain control, reported my mother's aide to her agency claiming that she was having an affair with me. Being the sick person she is, she made sure to say we were having sex in my parents' bed.

The agency as well as the aide herself laughed it off. But being a married man who loves his wife very much, I was disgusted.

Now, we don't need to get into all of Trump's lies. But look at what he's said about his election loss being rigged, all in an attempt to maintain control, just like Katie with my parents.

The Projection

I have had some training in the mental health field. It's been awhile, and I was never in a position where I could officially diagnose someone. But unofficially? Don't we all do that?

I was convinced at one point that my sister had borderline personaloity disorder. Nowadays, I'm not so sure. She's obviously got something wrong. But it could be narcissism, sociopathy, all sorts of stuff. Personally, I think she's just plain evil.

Anyway...I made the mistake of telling that to my mother one day.

The next time I had the displeasure of seeing Katie, she accused me of having borderline personality disorder, as if she had come up with that diagnosis on her own. (She also has mental health training.) (Funny how the most fucked up people seem to think they should go into a field to help others.)

And for that small betrayal (nothing compared to some of her others), I'd just like to give my mother a posthumous shout out to her where ever she is (my guess is either nowhere because there's nothing after this life, or hell.)

Trump, his family, the right wing in general, are constantly projecting. In fact, if they ever accuse the Democrats or the left of anything, you can be assured it's the very thing they are doing. They attack the capital and riot and literally kill cops, and they accuse us of being traitors and violent and hating cops.

The Violence and the Entitlement

My sister needs a scooter to get around. She has a terrible disability that I wouldn't wish on anyone other than her. (And I don't say that lightly. I truly believe she would be a great danger to others if not hindered by her disability.) Yet, she was always threatening me with violence. She and I would often get in disagreements. At least, I thought they were disagreements. To her, they must have been huge fights. Because every single time, it would end with her telling me I thought I was “so tough” and she knew plenty of people who could kick my ass.

It is important to note, up until she would say that, there was never any talk of violence. I never physically threatened her, nor would I. It would literally be something as mundane as telling her to let my mother watch what she wants on TV, not what she wants. And I would say it just like that too. It would never be “let her watch what she wants or else”, not even a harsh word sometimes.

As I've written before, she had a friend come to my parents' 50th wedding anniversary with a gun. He purposefully got into a fight with my youngest brother and would have shot him had I not intervened. My sister sat in her scooter yelling at her friend to shoot him. “Shoot him, Jimmy! Shoot him!”

She also used to brag about sending a friend of hers down into my parents' basement where my wife had some dresses hanging in a closet. Her friend stole those dresses for my sister. It still amazes me that somehow she thought stealing was something to brag about.

I was reminded of all this over the past weekend when the Proud Boys were all over twitter because they marched in NYC to allegedly protest vaccine mandates. Personally, I think they just need to get together every once in awhile so they can fulfill their need to find some group they dislike and outnumber, so they can pretend to be men and beat them up.

They also seemed quite proud – these scumbags who claim to be all about law and order – as they walked through the emergency exit to avoid paying for the subway. I am enraged when I think of all the times cops arrest people of color for this crime. But, with the proud boys, there are of course no cops present other than the ones marching with them.

My mother and the Trump base

My sister made it very obvious long ago that her goal was to tear our family apart. From a young age, she used to refer to me and my brothers as “the boys”, always with a tone of utter disdain in her voice.

My father sort of checked out long ago, even before his dementia came along. So my mother was really the glue that held this group of sick, sick people who hated each other together and I believe she was in complete denial about Katie's feelings. She truly thought we were just typical siblings who just had more than our share of disagreements. But in her eyes we were all equally to blame.

This all changed the night before my wedding in 2010 when Katie started a fight with one of my brothers. My wife, Fiona, and I had basically been waiting for this. We were convinced she was going to do all she could to ruin the day.

So we told her she was no longer invited.

And that's when my mother finally took sides. She told us that she would not be coming to the wedding, and if she didn't, she knew my father wouldn't. Basically, she chose to help my sister ruin the day. So, to stop Fiona's tears, I re-invited my sister who basically made me beg her and apologize.

From that day forward, my mother took Katie's side no matter what happened. In fact, the day Katie's friend tried to kill my brother Joe, my mother wouldn't talk to Joe or I claiming we were to blame for the whole thing.

Have I made myself perfectly clear in that I – 7 years now after her death – absolutely fucking despise my mother and hope she's burning in hell if there is one?

In the end, Katie killed her. After she was diagnosed with both dementia and diabetes, Joe and I convinced her it would be best for her and dad to get away from all the family strife. So she planned on moving out west to be with Joe and her only grandkids.

When Katie found out, she said “No you aren't. I won't let you go. You are not going to make a fool out of me.” And, no, I don't know what that means either.

Unfortunately, for reasons not important to this essay, I wasn't able to stay with my parents for several weeks after that. When I finally went over, my mother was in terrible condition, and her kitchen – which was pretty much set up for a diabetic before my time away – was full of cakes and cookies and other sweets. When I asked the home health aide (a new one; younger, kind of shy; inexperienced), she said Katie had been coming over everyday and giving it to my mother. When the aide tried to stop her, Katie threatened her.

My mother was back in the hospital a few days later, had another amputation, and never came out.

The last words she said to me were “I think Katie is trying to hurt me.”

We all know about Trump's anti-vaxx, anti-mask, pro-horse medicine and other loony shit army. Tons of them have died for their leader, just like my mother died for Katie.

In conclusion

I'm not exactly sure why I wrote this. It's pretty much just me venting. I saw that vidoe of the Proud Boys and was immediately reminded of my sister's entitlement, which led me down a path which led to this essay.

In the end, my sister's evil was enabled by my mother, who just ended up the biggest victim of us all. I certainly tried to help her, but all it did was make her turn outwardly nasty to me. Looking back, I feel no love towards the woman and I dislike her almost as much as I hate my sister. I'm pissed at her because if she'd taken a stand and not enabled that creature, we might still have a family. Unfortunately, in all the shit, “the boys” fell apart too.

It kills me to see this happening on a larger scale. I truly believe this country is doomed and is going to go the way of my family. I blame all of the right wing monsters for this much like I blame my mother. I blame Trump and the GQP just like I blame my sister.

And I long ago wrote all those motherfuckers off just like I wrote off my family. Fuck 'em all.

Family
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