The Realm of Being a NBSB

Entering into a relationship is a decision that entails meeting and conversing with individuals, gaining a deeper understanding of them, and developing strong emotions for them. Commitment and responsibility towards one another are also critical aspects of a relationship, whether you meet them intentionally or by chance. However, for those who have never experienced being in a relationship, comprehending its dynamics can be challenging, and they may struggle to comprehend how it works.

I have never been in a romantic relationship for 23 years. I've never been liked, pursued, or experienced heartbreak from breakups. While some people have found their soulmates, others may still be hurting from past relationships, and some have settled down with someone they want to be with forever. However, I am still searching for myself. Although I have had crushes in the past, they were just teenage loves where I liked someone from my class or senior year, and it never progressed beyond that. I've been told by my friends that liking someone is not the same as being in a relationship, which has made me curious about what it means to truly love and be committed to someone.

I'm not entirely sure if I've fallen in love, as it's difficult to tell. Talking to this guy makes me feel like butterflies are fluttering in my belly, but we've never met in person. We spent the entire summer talking on the phone and messaging each other almost every day, after being introduced by a friend. He's the kind of guy that every girl would want - he's a gentleman, speaks softly, and is also talkative once he gets comfortable with you. At first, I wasn't sure if I liked him that quickly, but one day, I realized that I did. Even though we have never met or talked in person, the fact that he made time for me, despite our schedules being completely opposite, made my heart melt. While he wasn't exactly my first love, I think it was more of a phase than anything else.

Currently, there are many instances where I engage in what is commonly called the "talking stage." During this stage, I spend several days conversing with individuals, getting to know them, and sharing common interests. However, these interactions tend to fizzle out without any concrete commitment or attachment. It's not that I don't desire to maintain contact with them, but rather that the situation becomes overwhelming for me to handle. I've come to realize that committing or getting attached isn't my forte, or perhaps I'm not emotionally prepared for it, as I'm afraid of falling in love alone rather than together with the other person. Initially, I was quite curious about how relationships work, but after witnessing my friends fall in love and then break apart, I became apprehensive about forming attachments. The prospect of being so invested in someone that I would chase after them is frightening. I don't want to be deceived by love, but at the same time, I yearn to experience love reciprocated. A friend once told me that perhaps this isn't the right time for me, or maybe God is still searching for someone who is a perfect fit for me, especially considering how tumultuous my life is. Currently, I'm not actively seeking a partner, but if someone enters my life, I may be willing to open up my heart and give them a chance to be a part of my life.

As for me, I tend to become easily absorbed in K-dramas, Bl series, Netflix shows, and K-pop music groups. I'm not interested in getting to know anyone except for my close friends. My online activity mostly consists of mindlessly scrolling through various websites. Perhaps this is why I prefer romantic comedies over tear-jerkers.