The passing ship of my life

It has been three weeks since I 'know' him. But should I say 'knew' because it has been one week since he left me? Not just me but this world too. So should I use 'knew' instead of 'know'?

But then again, I reminded myself that I would never be able to forget him in this life. So, I'll stay true to my feeling and wish to continue writing down things in the present.

Angel! That's what I thought when I saw him the first time. I heard his name once in a while but never gave thought to looking at it. I regret it today. I am well aware that in any condition, I was unable to stop him from leaving this world. I am aware that I would have been in much more pain than now if I 'knew' him more. But this pain of not knowing and interacting with him isn't paltrier. Right now, it's not just pain but more of a guilt.

But should I tell you the secret ...there is more truce than guilt. I would have been swamped if I 'knew' Moon then needed to lose him this life.

As I said, he was like an angel. Who wants an angel to leave their life? No one is right. Not me, at least.

Three weeks ago, I saw him in a video I was surfing. It was some TikTok challenge. He was dancing with his friend. But even though I don't know him or his friend well, he seized my attention in seconds. I don't re-watch anything if it's not amusing, not even in general. I feel that my time is precious. Although, I surf reels for a long time than needed in my life, my rule. Right?

So back to him, an angel. His looks were Ethereal, to say the least. His body was so manly. But when I looked at his expression, those gave feminine vibes. And I instantly exclaimed, a man, written by a woman. I was just wondering about his physic then I noticed him dancing and, damn! I was mesmerized by him then and there. Totally! Completely! Madly! I re-watch that reel numerous times, and I forgot anything around me. It was just him and him only. I tried to look toward his friend but couldn't even see him for a second when he was right there. Do you know what makes me re-watch that reel? His Smile! Yes, his smile. The shy smile he gave after dancing to that cute song. It was intoxicating!

I fell for him. It's not like he was the first person for whom I fell. But indeed, he was someone for whom I fell, at first sight. So what if they are either fictional or out of my reach Feelings know no boundary. The heart knows no rule. It is just that they say what they feel without thinking of this world. That's why they are purest here.

So, my angel. Yeah. Mine.

His dancing skills were extraordinary. I was shocked that no one in the industry talked about him. I felt he deserves so much more than he has right now. I just saw him for the first time but I knew that although he seems like a confident person on stage he was a shy and conservative one in real life. I felt a very odd attachment to his energy or his soul. Maybe.

I heard his name Moon...the love of my life...the real Moon and his name too...it was a lot of coincidences today. I was overwhelmed in just some minutes of watching that reel and reading the comments. I decided to leave that topic there. Because my soul fears the excitement and feelings I was groping at that time. I left the app and phone but deep down, I was aware that the video, smile, dance, expression, and he was not going to leave my mind for an extended period because it's not like you see angels every day, do you?

Nah, right!

Back to today, he pops on my feed once and then. It reminds me of him. his photos, his smile, and his different videos, which are fanning throughout the internet. He is gone but it doesn't feel like that. I still feel he will come from somewhere and will say this is all prank and I am here to make you smile to show you my dance once again. My mind knows reality but my heart says that he is still there. I am very saddened by the event that has happened but I felt terrible for the people around him. It's not easy to just live knowing that you no longer have an angel in your life. He would have been everything I want in my person. Everything! Even though I didn't have him, I am this wrecked, so what about the people who knew him? You can control your craving for something if it is far away from you, but what occurs when you have a taste of it, right? It might not be the best example to provide you for given circumstances. But that's how I feel for him. I don't think he is not here anymore. I still think he is an angel, who is just making this world a better place through his existence. When I get the news, I felt something broke inside me and yet, I don't know what exactly I felt. Even after knowing about his death, I didn't make an effort to see the photos or performances that he posted. I always tried to see beyond his expression and words. I don't feel unpretentious seeing his propelled images and videos. But I felt genuine him when he was around the people he loved. I saw the moon, and my heart fell for it. I see him. And not even a once I failed to smile while looking at him.

I understand the importance of having an angel in my life. I am glad that I know him. Although he is not here I am sure I get him in any of my next life. I would love to have him for myself. He was that kind of person. He was kind. He was shy. He was gentle. He was considerate. He was everything I would ask for in my angel. So, although he is gone he taught me to hold onto my people a little tighter. We don't know what is behind those smiling faces. Because what is going on mind never shows on faces. It's all facades. I know he is not here but I'll treasure him forever. I will also cherish the people around me because he taught me that not every beaming face is happy. Some hide their broken feelings behind them. So I'll try to comprehend to seek those real feelings from people's smiles and will make sure that I'll no longer need to see any angel leave this planet earlier than it's written.