The Men Ego

I have always been a firm believer that most traits are neutral. It is the situation that makes them good or bad. There is time for anger, a time for gentleness.

Ego is one trait that seems to have no corresponding flipside. In hindsight, every time we (men included) allow our ego to determine our actions, we regret it. So why do so many men hang onto their ego as it were some crucial aspect of their identity? As if ego were a virtue?

There is no upside to ego.

The ‘rigid” male ego

• Selfish
• Stubborn
• Arrogant
• Narrow-minded
• Angry
• Reactive
• Calloused
• Know-it-all

These characteristics may seem “macho” but they only lead to a life of misery. The rigid ego prevents you from learning, growing, and from becoming the best version of yourself you can be. Simultaneously, these traits are like cancer to those around you, your wife, your children, and your coworkers. Ultimately, these malignant ideas build resentment and spread to society itself.

“I don’t let anyone disrespect me”

These men are bitter, resentful and worst of all they always blame everyone else.

A man who truly respects himself doesn’t walk around with a chip on his shoulder making sure everyone treats him with the level of respect he feels entitled to. Don’t believe me? Enjoy that felony then…

The “fragile” male ego

• Passive
• Easily offended
• Afraid of failure/rejection
• Lacks confidence
• Avoids confrontation
• Afraid of looking foolish
• Consumed by what others think

Make no mistake, these characteristics are as firmly rooted in ego as the more obvious “rigid” type. They are afraid of looking foolish, of what others think, of making a mistake. This is ego too. Why? Because all these traits have one thing in common: other people’s perceptions of them.

When we think of “dangerous” men, our minds often think of the rigid male ego type. Their effect is obvious. The “fragile” male ego type is every bit as dangerous, albeit more subtly. They sit on the sidelines with bad men, do bad things and do nothing.

These are the men who cannot work up the courage to approach a girl because their egos can’t handle rejection. These men allow malignant issues to fester in his life, his relationship, and his children rather than confront them.

A passive man rejects his core responsibilities as a man: to take risks, overcome fear and use his strength to stand between those he is responsible for and the ones who would do them harm.

To the “fragile” ego types

No man you admire got where they did without getting rejected, being made fun of, making a fool of himself. No man achieved anything great without making a host of mistakes along the way. No man got the girl without first getting rejected by girls. A lot, not every girl has to like you. Not every girl will. It takes one.

You cannot simultaneously hold onto your ego, your fear of what others think, while also achieving the life you envision for yourself.

You have to choose: your ego or the life you want. You can't have them both.

The solution: Detachment from self

I like to think it is like a video game. I am in control of what happens, but I take nothing personally. I don’t think I suck as a human being if I die. I know it is part of the process. I respawn and try again, I don’t attach my self-worth to my success or failure in the game. (the fragile ego)

Conversely, I don’t take it personally and get at the video game characters or the game maker if the game beats me. I take nothing personally. I respawn and try again. I don’t take it as a threat that the game is trying to beat me (the rigid ego).

“Boss” mode

Men tend to take pride in their ability to be objective and logical, to set aside their opinions and look at things with clarity. Indeed, many men are good at this until it comes to them personally. Suddenly, the objectivity goes out the window the rigid ego responds with defensiveness and anger while the fragile ego responds with self-doubt and appeasement.

How you respond when criticism is aimed at you personally is the true test of your ego and I would argue your ability to truly be objective and logical.

“Boss” mode is only achieved when you can maintain objectivity, even when that object is you.