The lies we tell

Even though it's hiding behind many faces/egos/who you think you are/ want to be. We all do it; we get angry when someone says we do it. I do it, except the biggest lie is the one we tell ourselves.

The ego is the mask we wear, depending on the situation-agreeing, to go along with something because everyone else is ¨doing it¨ - the go with the crowd mentality. 

In society now, so many people are changing so many things about their life to fit in, or now more popular is to fit out, to be the outsider, the weird one. Oh, how the tables have turned, but is it a good thing? 

We are not all meant to fit out, just like we are not all meant to fit in.

I often feel attacked when someone tells me I lie, like almost everyone else, to lie to myself. Except my lies are ok, right? 

It's ok to lie to ourselves because we are not hurting anyone. Except the one person we are meant to protect is ourselves, so lying to ourselves is doing the most harm. If we show up in the world covered in lies, with a smile that other person will see right through it, or maybe not. 

That is how society works. Most of us are so obsessed with our shit that we don't care about what is happening around us as long as they don't see us for who we are. And then it snowballs and eventually becomes dis-ease.

I have a theory. 

We want to make ourselves feel better; it's like our boppy or binky when we were kids. A comfort blanket that goes everywhere with you, except as an adult, I can not carry a blanket around. 

Well, I could, but I should deal with my issues instead. 

However, then comes the lies, I am fine, I am ok, I don't need anyone. When did we become a society where we must become so independent that we do not need help or anyone? 

I am considering purchasing a farm because of the closeness of support and the ability to be in a community that sees the importance of asking for help.

So why does dis-ease happen?

When you lie to yourself, your body knows, and eventually, dis-ease begins. We call this disease, but it is the body fighting back your soul, knowing the truth, and finally stepping up and telling you to stop it, except instead of spiritual work, we band-aid it. 

At one point, all cultures saw the importance of spiritual work and the connection to the divine, mother nature, Pacha mama, and God. So call it what you want, and then big pharma comes in and tells you that you need them instead. 

Really?

I saw this in the hospital every day; I even talked to my patients about it and the need for spiritual intervention to see what is causing this unease in the body, this disease. 

Do you know what happened? Of course you do, because we all do it, we laugh at the crazy spiritual hippy girl who thinks illness can be cured by realizing my issues and unpacking them. 

Taking a pill will not help, but a Band-Aid is much easier. So much more accessible and so easy that we have hospitals and healthcare maxed out, tapping out, and generating the all-mighty dollar. In the end, the only thing that matters is control and money.

I have been having eye issues, I went to the doctor, and he basically told me I am over 40 it is expected. So I got glasses, but I never wear them, they feel unnatural, and I refuse to accept they are needed. So today, I took to Google.

What is the spiritual significance of eye issues?

You might see a running theme if you have been reading me for a while; I need more direction and clarity. 

I admitted this and stopped telling myself I knew what I was doing. I have no idea what I am doing in my life, I have so many ideas, and at the moment, I am happy, aimlessly wandering. 

Learning new cultures, yet I am a constant mind changer, but my soul is finally telling me to be still. I am listening now; my new wandering is not aimless but searching for the perfectly-imperfect home. 

I have a goal and objectives, and slowly gaining clarity. However, it was only this week that I realized what I needed.

So what did eye issues signify?

It stated the lack of vision and clarity. Well, if that is not 100% accurate, how I feel in life. 

Also, when I pray, I ask for clarity in my life, and it is all related; my obsession with bees is also a sign of wisdom, new beginnings, and hard work. 

I have also realized that I often try to balance on a pole, live a world between two worlds, one that I am not entirely off the wall cooky, and one that I follow my heart. Balancing between the two takes a lot of work.

I am sick of trying to please everyone so they don't think I am crazy. I have let a lot of it go, but the longer I am on the road and living a certain way, the more clarity I get. 

Yet it is that baggage of societal programming that I do not want everyone to think I'm batshit crazy. I will wear the crazy hat if I must. 

When someone tells me they can't follow their dreams because of XYZ, I will no longer appease them and agree. You are simply not following your dreams because even miserable comfort is better than the unknown and possible failure. 

I am sick of saying yea, I understand your baggage. No, I do not understand your baggage; I am sick of hearing about your victimhood. Step up; I will no longer be the one you can turn to for advice on staying stuck. 

You are stuck because you can not get out of your own way.

Stop throwing stones at my life and look at your own is going to be a new phrase. It sounds harsh, but it is not. It is the only way for me to clean out my pipes of those holding me back and keeping me between two worlds. 

I will seek out those who align with me. It is causing me to lack clarity and vision, to try to appease those around me; how is that a lie? Maybe the biggest truth I have finally realized. 

I still care what people think of me after all these years of my hectic life. Yet the baggage is becoming too much; it's like when I got rid of all my things, I went ¨all in¨ as they say. 

However, now it is time to go ¨all in¨ on other aspects of my life, one that has been gnawing at me; stop listening to those around me telling me negatives about what I want and how hard it will be. 

Noise I no longer need; I no longer need those who need to stay on the path of doing what they are told to do for reasons they don't know. Except they are supposed to do it. Who the hell knows what we are supposed to do? 

I know when my body and soul are acting up, that means that I am not in alignment.

Listening to my intuition and gut. Not listening to the noise, and instead, my inner wisdom within my soul.

However, how interesting my obsession with bees, my eyes, and overall questions in life are related. 

Nothing is a coincidence, ever.

XOXO

S.