The Day I Brought Susan George a Drink!

The day I brought Susan George a drink.

Susan George is an English actress who was married to Simon MacCorkindale who passed away in 2010. She was famous in the film Straw Dogs with Dustin Hoffman and in her heyday was extremely attractive.

Well It all started back in the Gryphon pub located in Grange Park Enfield with my friend Ray Lowe playing darts.

He would win darts tournaments and we both would drive to other venues to compete as I would be his driver and support.

On this occasion, Ray Lowe had got through to an event being hosted by Thames Television; it was going to be a 24-hour live event going on all day. There were events going on all over the UK from Scalextric racing to baking contests etc. In those contests, general members of the public could compete with the TV stars of the day. So, Ray had got through some sort of darts contest and we had to go up to the Victoria pub next door to Victoria train station. Quiet an up-market pub for its day; it was a hexagon shape building. Ray had only got two tickets and one of these was for the pub manager of the Gryphon. (He could not attend, so I went instead).

Being a dedicated follower of fashion in those days, I dressed up in black leather trousers, a lacy white blouson top, and a nice gold medallion, the shoes were made by Biba and were stacked platforms in patent leather.

Ray was dressed normal.

After a normal session in the Gryphon pub, we made our way to Grange park station to catch an overground train and accessed the Piccadilly underground to take us to Victoria station. Once outside we located the Victoria pub. (It's now demolished for office buildings).

There was TV outside broadcasting vans everywhere??? We both were excited and entered the building and were greeted by the largest security guards I've ever seen. We were shown to the bar; it was packed to the hilt.

Ray was ushered to go upstairs? I was about to go with him and this mountain of a man blocked my path? Players only he said. I'm his manager was my reply. No answer from the giant. Ray was upstairs for about 5 mins and he came back down. It's free drinks up there...I know what to do, give me your ticket as he has not handed it in and your darts...Ray went back upstairs and I followed a couple of minutes later trying to avoid the giant.

Made it. Once upstairs the booze was flowing like Niagara Falls. Needlessly to say both Ray and I were so pissed, I wonder how he got on stage to play darts let alone hit the board. Of course he lost. So, back to some serious drinking which led to us to somehow getting behind the bar and helping out serving drinks to everyone and giving away all of their hot pies, rolls and everything else in the bar.

It got louder and louder. Total mayhem. All of a sudden this Hello Possums was shouted out in my lug hole....Ear. It was Barry Humphreys dressed up a Dame Edna Everage. Well I just pissed myself laughing, Ray was laughing, I was nearly on the floor and all the time the TV cameras were trying to capture the moment for the home viewers with us two in the background causing mayhem.

Finally we were thrown out of the bar by the owners asking who the fuck were we...So in our best behavior we pulled the wires from the TV broadcasting boxes located in the bar....No Dame Edna Everage for the viewers any more.

What with security being called we decided to leave. As we rushed down the stairs there were a couple of coaches outside? A voice shouted out, "Are you the dart players to which I replied yes". We jumped on board this 52 seater coach and told the driver to go. Another couple of people jumped on board, they were just as pissed as we were. "Did you win"? Some toe rag with a clip board was asking us. Yes we said...As the coach rushed through the London traffic going ???? We didn’t know where we were going. Police escort and us on board with more drink and food....Of course laugh none stop all the way to where ever?

Wembley arena was coming into view. What’s this I asked? Its where the final of this darts competition is going to played live on stage...What! We drove into the car park at an alarming rate as the TV schedule was running late. We were ushered off the coach and rushed inside through the crowds outside. Now I know what it feels like to be a star on the red carpet. Once inside Ray and I floated off into the crowd and made our way to the bar. Of course. As we got our drinks I looked through some glass doors and noticed that the bar in this room was not charging guests? Got to get in there somehow.

I told Ray I was going in and to see if there was a way we could be in there. As I approached the door, I was stopped by a security guard. I told him in my inebriated state that I was a winner of the darts and I needed to get in? Just then two nice women asked what was happening. I informed them I won the darts competition and I needed to get in as the main tournament was about to start. They persuaded the security guard that I was with them and he let me in. They did have these wrist bands on? I asked one of them if I could have a band so I could go back and get Ray. They obliged and I got to the bar, ordered them a drink and two pints for us. I left them and went back outside to find Ray; as it was rammed full now. I could not find Ray so decided to go back in and finish my drinks and chat to these two lovely women.

After a couple more drinks I wanted to go as I was bored with their entire Oh darling this and Oh darling that.... I wandered off to some stairs and followed some people up them. Of course Wembley arena is a circular building place so I wandered around this carpeted floor and came across someone I thought I knew? Of course I didn’t, he was a film star, can't remember his name but he asked me if I was going back to the party? Could I do him a favour and take this note to Lisa Harrow? Well my name is Martin Harrow, is this coincidence or not.

He wrote the note and I went up to the next floor where I was met by Bruce Forsyth and Ronnie Corbet. Good Evening was my opening line. All of a sudden I was stopped by a large security guard asking what I was doing there. I informed him I was delivering a note too Lisa Harrow. It turned out she was hosting the TV stars party...Yippee. She came over and asked my name and who gave me the note. By the way, I did not read this note but she did blush. When Lisa found out my name she said. It was OK for me to stay but keep a low profile. Me keep a low profile...Nah!

For some reason I had Wayne Sleep trying to get into my Woolworth Y fronts along with Christopher Biggins. Laughing and joking with Rod Hull and that bloody Emu (R.I.P) Doing some sort of cha cha with Joanna Lumley who was looking at my gold medallion which was a gold calendar of June with a diamond on June 16th. My birthday. One of my girlfriends had brought it for me. Lynne Humphreys was her name and she did look like Joanna Lumley, but bigger tits.

Anyway the party was really getting going, I befriended this women who was one of Paul Ramonds girls Fionna Richmond, she was with Tim Brooke taylor (The Goodies). There was lots of jokes and laughter from many TV celebrities all mingling with each other.

Everything was going great when Lisa Harrow came over and said “I thought I told you to keep a low profile" And then she said Oh what the heck. I asked her if she wanted a drink and she said yes. As I went to the bar I noticed this seductive blond? She was sitting all by herself so I gave Lisa her drink and went over to the couch.

I sat down and this blond turned around to face me. It was Susan George. I was gob smacked...Hi I said. She smiled and I asked her if she had been onto the stage that evening. She said No. As I sipped my pint...I asked her if she would like a drink., She said yes please with those puppy dog eyes and I got her a Whiskey and ice. We talked about London and local things. She got excited about having fish and chips but was unable to go out due to her popularity. There was a fish and chip shop up the road I said. The reply was thanks but no thanks. After one more drink some dip stick turned up? More like her dad than anything. She said thank you and good night. I was hoping for a kiss on the cheek. Nah! Oh my god, I forgot about Ray, he would love this, so off I went to look for him.

I did go back downstairs in the lift to the main arena. I told the security guard that I was coming back in with a colleague, I could not find him. So I went back to the party. It was time to finally go. It was decided that everyone at the party was to do a Conga down the stairs to their waiting cars and coaches...I joined in and was behind Barbara Windsor.

Lets all do the Conga, Lets all do the Conga la la la la, la la la. We trooped outside and there were the Rolls, Bentleys, Mercs and coaches. I jumped in one Rolls and inside was Tim Brooke Taylor and this famous stripper Fionna Richmond from Soho; they both looked startled at this crazy person in their vehicle. I asked if he was going to North London. No, but Bernie Winters is. I tried a few more cars but could not find Bernie so I decided to jump on a coach with all these other stars. We ended up in the Hotel next door to the centre. Inside, more free drinks with them telling the funniest stories about show business. Some how 20 packs of hot fish and chips turned up? An early morning feast.

One by one they started to go to their rooms and I did not fancy taking my chances with those that were left. So I had to fork up and get my own taxi back to North London. £25. A weeks wages then.

I got back to my house which was a 10 bedroom Manse in Chase Side Enfield and slept for two days.....I spoke with Ray later in the week. He said he had gone into the audience and watched a great TV show and had seen the Conga coming down the stairs but did not notice me...I wonder who was the more pissed that day.

Susan George X