The College Experience

I was one of the few people that was actually born AND raised in Las Vegas, NV. Vegas is known as a melting pot; people from all over the world moved to the big city and settled down.

Growing up I was used to seeing different cultures, ethnicities, backgrounds, and religions. Not only was it normal but it was also respected.

It was filled with people who were used to 24-hour businesses, sports, and entertainment at all hours.

When the time came for me to decide which college, I wanted to go to I knew that I wanted to experience life out of the city, but I also wanted to be close enough to travel back if I wanted to.

So, I ended up settling on a small town less than two hours outside of the city, St George, Utah. When I went to visit the campus of Dixie State University, I was sold! It was a college town, so our campus was a pretty decent size, everything that we needed was close by, and the people were friendly. I was excited to be on my own in a new place to learn about who I would become.

The Wake-Up Call

I thought I was lucky to have my childhood friend and a close cousin also decide to go to the same school as I did. I thought that having them as my comfort zone would lessen the blow of homesickness that I knew would hit. Man was I wrong!

I arrived at campus on a Saturday night around 6pm. My family helped set up my dorm and then immediately got back on the road to head home. My group and I met up and decided to head to one of the restaurants that we had seen on the way in and as soon as we stepped off campus, we knew something was off.

The streets were completely dark. I mean even the neon signs were off. There was no life at all, no people walking up the street, and to our horror there weren’t even any cars on the road. Staring at the stoplights switch from red to green without any cars there to follow directions had to be one of the most eerie feelings I’d ever felt in my life.

Our chipper tones eventually turned to worried silence as we walked down the dark foreign streets. We finally came across a twenty-four-hour Roberto’s and went in and sat down. I remember my feeling of regret as I felt just as empty as that town did. Our food came and neither of us moved to dig in.

I know that employee had to have felt utterly uncomfortable walking by our table to see three young kids sitting there in tears talking about how we already missed home.

Sleep was hard that night. There weren’t any sounds coming through the dorm windows even though ours was close to the street. There weren’t sounds of people hanging out and laughing, cars speeding, or sirens.

The next day I thought would be better. We made our way to Walmart to get ready for our first classes the next day. Now it was like any other Walmart that I’d been in size and interior wise but as soon as we walked in, we knew something was off. It was like a spotlight had been placed and all eyes landed on us.

Being a dark sinned girl, I’ve had my share of discrimination and racism. I’ve had people look at me as if I didn’t belong or as if I were an alien on a new planet. This was not the case here. Their stare wasn’t judgmental or angry. They weren’t weary of our presence or waiting for the other shoe to drop. They looked genuinely curious as if they’d never seen a black person before. With the size and diversity of the campus I knew that this couldn’t be the case. I started thinking of all the research Id done to make sure that we didn’t walk into a college that had such a phenomenon. I had been sure to check for diversity and this city fit my criteria.

I knew that my research hadn’t been in depth when a lady pushing a basket followed by 7 kids under the age of 10 passed by. The children were in awe as they stared at us. Then, the youngest of them all, clutching his mother’s hand planted his feet in the ground stopping their line of exit and said, “mom they’re really dark”. The initial shock of it all had are mouths wide open in disbelief.

I think back on that day A lot not because of what he said but because in response his mother turned a bright red and just said “I know they are” and just continued on her way. We laughed. We laughed because what else do you do in that moment, what do you say to that?

As we walked around shopping, the curiosity of everyone else became clearer as most everyone stopped to speak and ask us where we’re from. They personally welcomed us to their town and talked to us about campus.

It wasn’t until we got back to our dorm areas that the second and third years admitted to avoiding going off campus. They explained how things in the town closed by 8pm at the latest except for the local movie theatre, that they weren’t allowed to sell alcohol on Sundays, and that they were a Mormon state.

All of it was a shock. Coming from a twenty-four-hour city that didn’t have a curfew, limits on what you can buy or when, and freedom to practice any religion it was upsetting to realize that our lives had all of a sudden been limited.

Even more, when we did decide to go out, we quickly realized that the city fashion that we had grown up with was looked down upon in the small town. Going out with shorts and tank tops showing off piercings and tattoos was considered offensive to them and the glares we received from parents and professors were hard to swallow.

Its enough that no one tells you that when you leave high school and go to college, you’ll eventually grow into your own person and build your forever friends in those moments. That who you were is ripped away to make room for the person that you will become. Going through that transformation without being able to practice my beliefs or have the support and community of my own religion really dampened my experience.

There are no other churches other than the LSD castles in St George, Utah. There are no tattoo parlors, clubs, lounges, entertainment of any kind, or anything that would go against the religious teachings of their state. It was hard to fully become who I wanted without having access to the world around me.

It didn’t take me long to realize that it was just not the place for me. I learned a lot from the experience and appreciated the people who made sure to make me feel welcome and not like an outcast because of the hue I was born with, but I realized that the other restrictions on how I talked, the religion I practiced, the way I dressed, or what I did with my body was too much.

Now, being back in Las Vegas I’ve appreciated our diversity and religious freedom so much more than I ever have. I love the fact that if I want to go grocery shopping at 2am because I’m up and wired, I can. If I want to get a tattoo or piercing, I don’t have to drive an hour and a half out of town to go and get it. When its 115 degrees and I want to wear shorts and a tank top I don’t feel shamed or looked down at for showing my legs.

The Social Shock of Going from High School to College

I think that it is rarely discussed how its not a good idea going to college with your friends. Friends that only know you as the child and young adult that they are used to seeing. I was shocked at how hard it is to move from young adult to new adult in a college setting. It was like having to get to know each other all over again. We weren’t the same people that we had been when we first entered into our college years.

It was unsettling at first to realize that I was getting closer to people that shared the same major as me and/or classes compared to the friends that I’d known for more than half my life. I felt a need to force myself to make time for my old friends when we no longer shared the same interests in life. I was majoring in Psychology and focusing more on social experiments and deep conversations while some friends were more into just getting through their generals and experiencing college life to the fullest, and others were making friends in their own majors.

No way was better than the other but the more I tried to continue my connection with them the more lost I felt within myself. Returning to Las Vegas and going to college in my home city by myself gave me the room to breathe and find myself without expectations or fear of who I used to be. It allowed me to realize that I wanted to be a writer and not a social worker. That I was an introvert that enjoyed alone time unlike all of my friends who happened to be extroverts.

The experience of college as a whole was a shock to me from the culture of the new city to the friendships that I lost and gained along the way. As uncomfortable as the experience was I would do it all over again if I had to because I learned so much about the world and about myself that I could have never learned had I not put myself out there and went somewhere different than what I was used to.