The barn and the storm

On a very cold and very dreary night in a obscure part of town, lived an old battered barn that had seen better days. There was very little sunlight and the nights seemed to last forever. There was a quiet, yet mysterious aura about the place. It seemed to have a presence that could not be explained.

No one had been near this barn for years and the only marks in the snow seemed to be from the woodland animals. A deer, racoon, fox or even a bear could be spotted, but of course, that is all circumstance.

No one really knows or understands how things turned out this way, but I can tell you what I think happened.....

I was on a mission one day to take a long and lonely ride in my old battered car which was on its last leg, but I was drawn on a path I had never taken before and could not fathom. I have not felt this way in quite a long time and I didn't question it, I just reacted and moved swiftly as I felt time was of the essence. I left at dawn and had been driving for many miles through mounds of snow that looked so beautiful, but was treacherous all the same.

I was not a daring person, yet I felt compelled to move on with my plight. I was guided by a compass I was given from my father when I was a young girl and have cherished it ever since and have finally been able to use it for this trip that I almost didn't take.

I was living in a small town miles away from the general population as I had endured a tough transformation and wanted to live simply instead of having all the creature comforts that I was used to for so long.

I needed a special place to go to sort out the problems of the world or so it seemed to me that I was chosen to "fix" them. It is hard to explain what I mean by that, but the pull was very real. I drove and drove from the dawn until night, and arrived at an old abandoned barn that was set off the road so far and didn't seem like it could withstand another storm and the one that I was in was getting worse by the minute.

I turned off the car and grabbed my belongings and started walking through the mountains of snow and the piles were at least 4 feet high in places and there were trees scattered throughout the landscape giving the appearance of a haunted house. Everything was very dark and the snow glistened and was so cold. I had dressed for this, but didn't realize how long it would take for me to get from my car to the barn and how tired I was after the excursion of my day.

I kept thinking about what I was doing and why I was doing it and only one thing came to mind. I needed solace and a place to dwell and drown out my sorrows. The past as I mentioned had been good once, but I felt it was time to go back and experience what my elders had felt and were strong and welcoming all the same. All I wanted to do was to find peace and quiet so I could read and write and see if I could withstand the time alone as I chose no one to accompany me. I also did not bring any animals with me as I didn't want to worry about another life other than my own.

The guilt that it took to get this far was stupendous and wonderful at the same time. I finally arrived at the barn door and it was stuck and I had to pull with all my might to get it opened and a rush of air came through and I could have sworn that I saw a movement in the distance. I crept carefully and was feeling around for a table or chair to set my things down and came across what felt like was an old stove. I searched my pockets for a match and struck one and it lit and I was finally able to see my surroundings.

It was very dirty and had not been used by any human being for a long, long time, but I was sure that some animals made their homes here. I was trying to be brave, yet I was scared of what I might find. I came across the fireplace, but there was no wood to get a warm fire going, so I changed the wet clothes I had on and went back outside for firewood. I didn't want to go too far, yet the snow was falling now and finding pieces of timber would not be that easy. I picked up various sticks and grabbed what I could as quickly as I could muster. I sealed the door shut and strode over towards the fireplace and placed the pieces of wood down and struck a match and it took a while, but I finally felt my bones start to warm.

Apparently this old barn had been used for more than hay for horses and feed for chickens, as I was able to see it was lived in once upon a time, but who would have endured this and why? Could a priest have lived this way? Weren't they used to living in solace? Maybe a monk? But it was definitely meant to be found and this was mine now.

I sat down and felt my heart start to beat slower as I had pushed myself to get to where I needed to be and this was the final destination. I know I had my reasons and no more doubts as to why I left when I did.

I found some straw which I placed on the floor with a blanket I was lucky enough to locate and laid down for the night. I wanted to decompress and thank the heavens I was safe for now.

I have experienced joys and sorrows in my life and this was a time of reflection and it was imperative that I act on my beliefs. The barn called out to me and I answered its call. I entrusted my life and my soul to my next stage of my life and couldn't wait to start my next chapter with all of this dark, but disturbing beauty surrounding me everywhere.

As I lie, I heard the wind soar and the trees sway and the pounding of the snow at times, but it was also soothing. I felt scared, but safe at the same time. It is not something for the faint of heart to take on, but again as I mentioned before, it was a calling and I had no where else to be and no one else to be with.

The next morning I rose and my bones felt stiff, but I felt invigorated. I didn't hear anything outside so I crept by the small window near the door and peeked out and saw a blanket of the purest snow ever. I wish that I had a camera with me, so I could have remembered that forever, but I wanted to simplify my life and live almost peasant like with very few things and dependent on no one but myself. I promised that I would come here and do what I felt was right and move on when the time had come.

Everything started to make sense now, why I got in my car, and left everything I loved once but no more. I had been chased by so many hurtful people over the years and it has driven me to these extremes and I was relishing it, but knew the day would come I would suffer from this secluded lifestyle but would learn from it and take it with me so I could show all how generous life could be for those brave enough to see it.