That Moment

Early February, 2018. That's when I met you.

It was a normal day. Shopping needed to be done. It must have been in the afternoon. I was a simple paraprofessional, going to teaching school, living my life as a simple momma and homemaker.

The grocery store was busy as usual, it was pre-pandemic, pre-inflation, pre-grocery pick-up. I never noticed you before that moment.

Walking by the end caps, towards the back of the store. The last one on the left, held milk at that time, right next to the pet supplies. That's where you were. Stocking.

Walking near you, suddenly we made eye contact. My world completely halted. Wow. Who the hell are you?

I floated the rest of my shopping trip. I was completely struck. I just looked into these sea foam, blue-green, eyes and lost myself.

The obsession then soon began, I would find myself making shopping trips every day for something I "needed". I needed to see this person who suddenly hasn't left my mind. I didn't even know his name.

The problem was, I had completely built a life with another person that I loved dearly, but I always knew it wasn't the one.

Don't get me wrong, I know what a horrible person I am, but it was a minor detail with the way you had made me feel inside. I had met my twin flame, my missing stardust, and I knew that to my soul's core.

The day finally come, about a week later, when I saw you again. I had told myself to spy out that name tag and talk to you. I had a name! I had a conversation! Nothing else mattered, I wanted you.

...

This is where mistakes were made on my part. I selfishly wanted to have my cake, and eat it too. I got to know you, all my charm and magnetism finding a way to see you and talk to you. But, I couldn't bring myself to leave the home I had built for myself and my daughter.

I wanted you, yet held on to my other life. It was so very unfair to you. I felt ignoring you would be for the best, blocking, and avoiding your store like the plague.

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

Remember that day at the park? The kids playing but she was there too. You had a best friend that was a girl, who I never felt threatened by, but I should have known, she loved you too.

Remember when we tried to go to the pool together that summer? My girl only wanted to be in the baby pool, and I admit, I was scared to be with you in public. A lost chance.

Remember our date at Gerardo’s? I had pizza of course. You picked me up in your car from work. I left my grey jacket in there on purpose. To see you again.

Remember when I would come over? We would kiss on the couch, kiss on the counter, hug and hold each other in the kitchen. Kissing all the time.

Remember when we took it even further? God, I wanted you so bad since day one and then we I finally got to touch you... ecstasy.

With your red Coke shirt, and your perfect body, strong arms, and hands, loving me right. We would fuck and smoke, but it was more than that. It was love making and I will never forget the way you loved me, touched me, and held me.

We were told that we were great together, that you've never been happier. That was the chance I should have moved forward, but missed it. Nothing has been the same since.

...

Five years later here, we are. Still orbiting each other like lost star particles.

I still love you. I love your children.

Yet, I am in the same place where we started. That's on me. You've been with her now, and a lot has gone on through this time.

But, you tell people about me, and I tell people about you. You have never left my mind, nor my heart. I would have your baby in a heartbeat. Every time I see you, I go back and remember this story, remember you lighting me on fire every time we're near, and how I know it isn't finished.