Taught behaviour

When we are kids we observe and learn our morals based not only on what our parents/teachers try to instil in us, but also the actions taken around us. This is know as taught behaviour.

Patterns of taught behaviour starts with the way adults in the child’s life treating each other. Often enough what is taught is negative behaviour. Violents. Lazyness. The way children speak to each other. It comes from thing that they have seen. The modern world has bought television into this mix.

It is really hard to correct taught behaviour. And often correcting behaviour can also have a negative effect on the child. That being said. On to my confession.

So back in the late 90s I was in year 1. I was being bullied by an older student. She happened to be a girl and a very pretty girl. She didn’t like me very much. She and her friends would seek me out during recess and lunch to ether play keep away with my school bag. They would mock me for not being toilet trained at that age(it was a stress factor) so I wore pull-ups up until the age of 7.

The school never did anything to stop the bullying and it was very distressing for me at that age. Though these days I’ve been through way worse.

So with no resolve from the school. I had to do something..

My mother at the time was not in a good situation. To quote ready player one ( she and her endless stream of hard loving losers) there was always physical abuse in my home when I was young. I was constantly victim to it and a witness of it.

being young and not understand what was right and wrong. Even though at that age I should have. I saw abuse as a way of solving problems.

One day at school in year one I snapped. The girl that was bullying me had started her usual game. So having enough I struck her as hard as I could across the face.

My punishment was constant detention. And a weeks suspension I can’t remember how long i was in detention for. Not a whole year maybe just one term of detention.

In my eyes at the time I couldn’t understand why I was in trouble. They had hit me before and nothing had been done. Ever about their bullying. However I was well scolded for my actions. I’ve never hit a woman since and I never will.

Though it did solve the bullying problem, the girl to no surprise, never spoke to me again. Nore did any of her friends. And to this day I now find it difficult to stand up myself in any situation.

These days I know what I did was wrong, though I do still feel though it should never have gotten to the point where I felt hitting them would solve the issue.

At school, teachers cannot controle what the children witness. How ever they can control how they handle bad behaviour. Though I’m sure schools have changed a lot more than I can comprehend since I’ve been there.

Post note

I’m not a woman beater. These are the actions of a 5/6year old. In the moment when I was a child, anger over weaker guilt for what I had done. It is not that I was unable to feel guilty.

As a result of me not dealing with issues I still do have a habit of snapping and getting overly violent. But I’ve never gotten violent with a woman since that one incident.