Taking Out The Trash

I must make a confession, one which I am sure I’m not alone in and others would surely relate... But first, some background information to put this into context.

I met my ex-husband when I was 17 years old. We moved in together when I was 20, got married when I was 24 and had two children by the time I was 26. We divorced in 2020 when I was and still am 36.

During the time we lived together across 3 different properties, his main household ‘job’ was always to take the garbage out, and everything that entailed. When I think about this, I am surprised that I just never did it. Not that I wasn’t capable, I admit, I just thought that task belonged to him. I would do almost everything else in the household but stereotypically, wrongly or rightly, I would tell him if the bin was full and he would dutifully take it out. Well, not always which resulted in a brimming bin from time to time and masses of recycling waiting for him but the chore still would be completed by him.

It seemed a manly thing for him to do. So unconventional in this day and age. When I think back to us living in our first apartment, rubbish would need to be taken down two flights of stairs and placed in the bin store. He just adopted this task, claimed it as his, to my complete agreement!

Does every household have boy jobs and girl jobs?

Neither of us never lived alone or had full autonomy on running a house so we just took up our posts and stuck to them. He would do the bins, occasionally cook, change lightbulbs and other manly regarded chores and I would do everything else. Very fair deal in my eyes.

Two house moves later and shamefully, I would generally return home before him and see the empty wheelie bins and wouldn’t drag them back down the drive to their designated spot. I also had no idea on the bin collection process. Which week was recycling, garden waste and garbage collection? What did the color coding mean?

I will never forget my first time. I felt nervous, exposed and like all the neighbors would be watching me, pointing ‘it’s her first time’ in a mocking sneer. The kids were staying with their Dad that night and I drunk a whole bottle of wine… It was now 9pm and I knew, it had to be now... Having overcome putting the garbage and recycling into the right bins for the past week, I peeked through the curtains checking out what bin the neighbors had put out. First step accomplished. I knew what bin I needed to drag out. What I didn’t count on was the neighbor blocking our shared drive with his van. Outside, in the dark and assessing the very small gap between the wall and his vehicle and feeling very disorientated from the wine, I very noisily and without class tried to squeeze the bin through the impossible narrow gap.

Without success.

Me and the bin both got stuck.

The thing is, I knew this, somewhere in the corner of my mind my ex would always take the bins out early because of this but I neglected to piece it together.

I know had to push the bin out… It took an inordinate amount of time and I prayed no one was watching my debacle.

My bin was full to the brim and there was no way I could wait 2 weeks until the garbage would be collected again. If it was recycling I would have gladly put the bin back and started on a second bottle already thinking of how I could just stack up recycling in my garden for the next 2 weeks.

I had no choice. I plucked up the courage, helped by my intoxicated state and knocked on the neighbors door. The wife answered. I hastily blurted out I couldn’t fit my bin through the gap and politely asked if her husband wouldn’t mind moving his van so I could lug the bin out. I even added, ‘it’s my first time’ in a meek voice. How embarrassing! I was mortified when she reprimanded me and told me I should have done it earlier. I responded very quietly that she really needn’t be rude about it and my ex would usually do this as I shuffled my feet avoiding eye contact.

You’d think some decent human nature, common courtesy or at least a little pity (as let’s face it, I was looking pretty sorry for myself) wouldn’t go amiss. Her husband, the nicer of the two, came briskly out having overheard our conversation and quickly moved his van and waited for me to heave the very hefty bin down the drive. I thanked him guiltily and hurried back into the safe confines of my home.

I felt deflated. My first time was met by complete embarrassment.

In hindsight, I should have said I have every right to have clear access to take my bins out at whatever time in the evening (as long as before 6am on collection day I later learned). I was too overcome with the emotion of experiencing it for the very first time to defend myself. The wine didn’t help. It was a huge step for me in my independence, never having lived alone and everything that means.

The following months went by with just one hiccup where I just completely forgot about it and had a few weeks of buildup I managed to get through by using my garden waste bin as an overflow… There went the garden maintenance.

In the summer, however, and a spell of sunny weather, I did not anticipate an infestation of maggots! The smell wafting from my bin was revolting. The maggots aplenty. With a full bin and 2 days before collection I had no choice but to pour boiling water over the rim of the bin and sides and pray the bin would be emptied and not rejected due to it. The maggots were seeping out of the bin somehow! Lugging it to the front of the house was torture seeing the slithery little blights.

The following morning I eagerly kept an ear open for the bin truck. When I saw them empty my bin, I had newfound respect for refuse collectors. Absolute hero’s!

The job of cleaning out the bin was disgusting, and I found new admiration for my ex-husband too.

It is safe to say I now have the bin collection process down to a fine art. It’s quite therapeutic breaking down boxes (Amazon deliveries have meant a hell of a lot more recycling in lock down!) What’s more, it feels me with extreme satisfaction when they are collected and I pull an empty bin back – I never knew just how gratifying the process is and how much I enjoy the weekly cleanse!

Despite my rough start, I now look forward to bin collection day and with the neighbor now parking his van somewhere else and rightly so, I don’t have to worry about being restricted on what time I choose to take my bins out.

Taking out the trash for me is much more than getting rid of household waste and a necessary chore, it is a liberating cue that I can accomplish anything, maggots, and all.