Sweet Revenge

I am not proud of myself but I must say that the satisfaction of revenge is sweet. “As sweet as a slice of chocolate cake!” You have to understand that I was my wit's end!

My husband and I have been married for an outstanding 27 years. I am very proud of that number; it seems that most marriages just don’t last anymore. Over the years we have had our share of ups and downs just as all married people do. Looking back on it, I like to think that we have shared many more good times than bad. However, my mother-in-law contributed absolutely nothing to those good times. In fact, she was always finding ways to drive a wedge between us. This lady was the queen of mean and a master at whipping up crocodile tears at a moment's notice. I had married her youngest son and she wanted him back!

I really did try to get along with her “in the beginning anyway.” After 20 years of drama and tears, I was finally at my breaking point. My marriage was clearly starting to suffer from the constant bickering and squabbling. To make matters even worse, my in-laws lived right next door. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without having her staring through binoculars trying to see what I had in my bags.

I had been accused of every bad and deplorable deed imaginable. Once, she even accused me of practicing witchcraft in the house. I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had to find a way to seek revenge “in the most grown-up and adult manner as possible of course.”

The final straw which didn’t only break the camel's back, it completely maimed and mutilated the poor beast; was the day that she baked cupcakes for my son. He came home carrying two different batches of delicious chocolate cupcakes. She had clearly told him several times “DON’T LET YOUR MOMMY EAT THESE!” His feelings were rather hurt when he explained to me that I wasn’t allowed to have any of the pretty, decorated cupcakes. Instead, I was to eat the ones that looked like they had been dropped and rolled around on the floor.

Of course, I laughed and put on my very best smile; although on the inside I was rather humiliated. My children were now experiencing the complete despitefulness and disdain between us. I picked up one of the distasteful cupcakes and took a big bite. “Mm mm, she obviously wanted me to have the ugly ones because they taste the very best!” I explained, trying to ease the discomfort that my son was clearly feeling. He smiled and with satisfaction and went on about his day.

The phone rang, it was her and she wanted to talk to my husband. She insisted that he make good and sure that our son did not eat any of those specific cupcakes that had been labeled just for me. As if the powers that be were watching and listening, my stomach let out a loud, painful rumble. A few minutes later I was on the toilet unable to do anything but cry. I had never been so sick in my life. This continued for hours. Both my son and husband had eaten their cupcakes and they seemed perfectly fine. I was certainly growing more and more suspicious and angry.

I walked outside to get some fresh air, my knees were still weak and wobbly. I was pale and to be honest, I was walking like a drunk penguin. Remember, I said that she lived right next door. As I walked around the house looking at my gardens and appreciating the beautiful flowers, I heard a tap,tap on her kitchen window. I looked up in complete horror as she smiled and waved an ex-lax box in front of me. I stormed back into the house fuming and furious. Of course, when my husband confronted her about it, she turned on the tears and denied everything. “I was just trying to be good to her and this is how she reacts and treat me.” she cried.

That night my stomach was still roaring as I laid in bed and tried to read my favorite book of all time “The Help”. I loved the book so much that I purchased the movie and had even watched it at least 10 times. That’s when Miss Minny came to me and whispered something devious and knavish in my ear. I smiled; I knew what had to be done.

That night I baked my mother-in-law the most beautiful chocolate cake that she had ever seen. I spent hours perfecting each and every detail. Each chocolate rose was delicately placed with precision. By the time that I was finished, this beautiful cake could have won an award for its beauty. I couldn’t sleep due to the cupcake scandal, so I had all night long to work on my craft.

The next morning, I asked my husband to carry the cake to his mother. “DON’T EAT IT!” I warned. I hoped that if he took the cake to her early enough, she’d have a nice slice of chocolate cake with her morning coffee. “And don’t leave until she tries it!” I added as I sent him out the door.

I watched from the window as he entered the house, it felt like a good time to go check on my garden again. Her kitchen window was open so I carefully listened to the conversation going on inside. “Mom, just try the cake, she was good enough to make it for you! She spent all night on it!” I had to cover my mouth to muffle the giggles rising up inside of me. “Well, it’s not bad, in fact, I’ll give her credit, it’s actually very good.” I heard her say.

I picked up a tiny gravel and tapped her window with it. She looked out and I smiled as I waved a roll of Charmin at her. The look on her face was something between death and bewilderment as she glared at the tissue paper in my hand. “Hey Emma, don’t you let Roy eat any of that cake, it’s all for you!” I bantered.

“WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT CAKE!” she frantically screamed. But I think she knew......she defiantly knew. From that day on things were different between me and my mother-in-law. In fact, she hasn't spoken to me in the past five years.