Sorry Mom

Dear beautiful mother,

Before I begin to confess all the secrets I kept from you, I just want to say that I love you, and I apologize for being deceitful. In my defense, if I would’ve told you earlier I would’ve been in trouble, but I’m all grown up now so there’s no harm, right?

When I was fifteen years old I told you that your daughter, my sister hit me, I cried and I bawled like a hurt child. When I told you I was even blubbering like a baby; truth be told she never laid a hand on me THAT DAY. The reason I lied was because her selfishness got to me, she told me I couldn’t get on her playstation. Like what type of big sister does that, right? The one thing I didn’t lie about was my tears, I was actually crying. I was miserable and sad so I wanted her to be miserable and sad with me; I know that’s wrong, but at the moment I didn’t think about it being wrong. I just wanted to get my way, which I think I did. I’m not sure though, I can’t quite remember.

Here goes the next secret I’ve been holding onto for dear life. That night I snuck out I told you I was with a bunch of girls and we went to the park. Truth is I was with a bunch of girls, but there were a few boys there. I know I should’ve told you, but I was already in trouble for leaving the house. I didn’t want there to be any more reasons for you not to trust me. I’m aware that’s not a good excuse, but it’s the best I got. Look, I know after reading this paragraph you’d probably want to fight me so I’m going to move on to the next secret.

When I was eighteen years old I told you I was spending the night at a friend's hotel for their birthday party, truth be told I went on a date with a complete stranger. You eventually got to know him; he became my boyfriend, but I lied to you about our first date. I mean, you know how you are; you would’ve told me that it wasn’t safe for me to go and that you have to meet him first. I hated when you wanted to meet the men I went out with before I even knew if I liked them myself, so yes I lied. It was a fantastic first date too, we went to the movies; I forgot what movie we were watching but I know it was great. After the movies we went to a fancy hotel and laughed, talked and then some. This is probably the worst secret I’ve kept from you, but at least you eventually got to meet him anyway.

Here’s some extra personal information that I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you would judge me. Two years ago, when I was around my two new girl friends I started to grow a sexual attraction to women. The girls I was hanging out with liked girls and they would show me special videos of themselves. Yeah, I’m sure you didn’t want to know that. Here’s another thing I don’t think you want to know, I’ve kissed a girl before. I mean, it was just a peck but I still felt her soft and smooth lips against mine; it was awesome. No I’ve never done anything else with a female, I’m sure you’re thinking extremely dirty now so I’m going to move on.

The last secret I’ve kept from you is extremely hard to confess, but here it goes. My freshman year of high school I was rarely in school, I would skip every single day. I’d go to the class periods I wanted to go to then I’d just leave the school and walk home or leave the school and just go to the library. You know how anxious I would get when I’m around people, especially when I was around people who were bullying me and making my school year terrible. I’m still not sure how or why they let me skip a grade; not to say I wasn’t amazing in the classes I did go to, but still my grades weren’t top tier. I’m just grateful that with every bad decision I made came a great experience. I know after you finish reading this my whole life will be on the line but I’m willing to take that risk. It feels so good to be honest.

Sincerely,

Your chaotic, but loving daughter, Naia.