I know that I am dangerous, but for all the right reasons.
She’s dangerous because she knows what it’s like to fall and get back up a thousand times. Rock bottom knows her name, and the only person who saved her is her. She is not afraid of breaking. (Stephanie Bennett-Henry)
I know that I am dangerous for all the right reasons. Nobody can genuinely appreciate that you had to fall a lot and force yourself to get back up again. I know what it is like to hit rock bottom because I have been at rock bottom for years. I realize now that I am the only one that can pull myself back up every time I fall and knowing this about myself gives me more courage and inner strength to fight another day. I am no longer afraid of breaking because sometimes you have to be failed to rebuild yourself. Making yourself become broken is just part of the process, and if you don’t take the time and energy to let the breaking process happen, you will lose sight of what you needed to be broken for in the first place. Now I am not saying that being broken down is easy; it is not that you need to go through this process to heal.
I never knew who I was for years because, in the past, I was always surrounded by others who were not good for me, and this started weighing on my mind, body, and soul. I have a new mindset now, and this time around, I am coming back more fearless, more strong-minded, and my focus is set. I can not afford to lose myself in things that I know I can not change for others when I already know they are not my issues. I use to be the one that would feel bad for others because I couldn’t give them what they needed, but now I don’t give a damn.
I have learned to live my life with more intent, meaning that I am becoming more intentional about my actions toward others around me. At this point in my life, I could care less what someone else thinks about me or what they think that I should do about a given situation because, in the end, it is what I chose to do that matters.
So many people in our lives tend to have a habit of telling you what you should or should not be doing with a particular situation. But to be honest, if others can tell you that they would not be the ones doing this or that or here is my favorite one, you need to let it go and get over it. It is hard to get over something like a broken heart or the death of a loved one, but you can live through it.
When I say that I am dangerous, it is coming from a place of many tearful and restless nights. I had to be broken down mentally and emotionally to the point that all I could come back to was myself. I am not looking for anyone to come and save me because I have been keeping myself for over 30 years now. So I am not doing that wrong in my world. People love to see you fall and then pretend like they give a damn about you when in reality, they do not give two shits about you or what you are going through. In my world, once my tears evaporate, I know that I will rise again.
I have gotten a glimpse of what it feels like to be a person of great value and worth, but this was no easy task to get a grip on when you are being broken. Being alone is also not as bad as most people think, and for me, that is a good thing. I do not need recognition or praise for the inner demons that I had to tare down mentally. No one knows your struggles better than you. So in closing, I want to no I need to say to all of those people around the world that are dealing with things that others just can’t seem to understand. Tell them this, and it is not your fight; it is mine, and if you are not here to help me get my next level of healing, get your weak-minded ass away from my mental house, period.