Revealing You

They say you never truly know someone, but do they know about you?

Do they know what you did?

Do YOU know what you did?

For years I have had a lot of questions. I’ve been thinking about it for months and even years. I’m not sure if I can answer them all at once, but one thing is certain: My life has changed. I am no longer the same person that was before, and now I feel like a better person.

You were supposed to be a protector, a brother, but all I see you as is the one who stole my innocence by doing what you did.

You may not have gone all the way, but you did enough and it ruined me.

Did you think I would forget or not know about the other things you did to me? I don’t think so. You are still the same person you were before.

Look at you wanting sympathy from your family. Do you know what hurts though?

You actually got sympathy.

You have a wife and daughter and another child on the way. You beat your wife and to play the victim you tried offing yourself.

So what if your new baby is a boy? Will you have the guts to tell him not to touch his sister when he’s going through puberty?

Because if I ever have a daughter I have to tell my son not to.

How horrible that someday I have to explain that to my own son because of my experience and our mother not knowing that it’s a conversation she should have had with you.

Do you remember the summer AFTER you did what you did?

I just turned 10, and I was in the shower and the bathroom had a key.

Do you remember taking that key, opening that door and pulling open the shower curtains?

I sensed you.

So I quickly sat down and covered my tiny body and then I heard your phone clicking. I think I even saw a flash.

What did you use those photos for?

I never told anyone about that until now.

Over the years I had started to remember more and more about the things you did.

I attempted suicide 3 times. I cut myself constantly.

The last time I attempted it I was in the hospital for a week until they finally let me go.

You came to surprise me and surprise me you did. I had just made one of the biggest and hardest decisions of my life which you never knew. But do you remember that thing you said to me?

"You are a brat and have never had to do anything hard. You've never made a big decision."

Why would I ever have told you about what I had to do?

Then when my fiance and I were pregnant with my son our mother told me I had to tell you because we're still family.

So I did.

You told me that I need to stop relying on people because no one will help me.

I never want to see you or speak to you. I always have to hear your name because our family still considers you my older brother.

Why do I always have to hear about you and your life? I couldn't care less about your life and your problems anymore.

If only our entire family knew what you did for years.

I don’t want an apology from you. I’m finally moving on from those images in my head and that feeling. All I ever want from you is to never contact me or my family.

No goodbyes.

No apologies.

I am finally free from you.

I AM FREE.