Rest Looks Different When You're Homeless

All my life, I've had a difficult relationship with rest. As a kid, I would stay up until I could see the sun peaking over the horizon because I had an intense fear of the dark. As a teenager, my fear of the dark went away, but it was replaced by severe insomnia linked to anxiety. Now as an adult, I've mostly overcome my night-related fears and have learned some tactics to alleviate my insomnia, but I still struggle to get a good night's sleep. Only now, it's not because my brain won't let me.

I'm homeless.

I haven't always been though. Last year, I was finishing up my final semester of college with my own apartment (okay, an apartment with a roommate but still... my name was on the lease). Then once I graduated, I moved back to my hometown which is more expensive to live in than my college town and was faced with the reality that getting a job in my field is not as easy as I would have hoped.

I've been faced with a lot of harsh realities since becoming homeless, but one thing I didn't expect, was how my lack of a home would affect my sleeping patterns.

Bouncing around from place to place makes it difficult for me to get proper sleep. Over the past six months, I've spent most of my nights sleeping on various friends' and family members' floors or couches and as you can imagine, that takes a toll on the body. Stiff and sore muscles, particularly in my back, neck, and shoulders are very common.

My sleep schedule also has to revolve around other people's. Having to sleep in common areas like living rooms or game rooms, means that lights out doesn't come until other people clear out and sometimes, that doesn't happen until late into the night. Waking up for work in the morning on just a few hours of sleep has become almost routine at this point.

While getting the physical rest my body deserves may be impossible until I'm comfortably in my own place, I've vowed to make 2021 a year that prioritizes my mental peace above everything else. And there are three ways I plan to do that.

1. Celebrate the Small Wins

It's easy for me to focus on the things that are wrong in my life, given my current circumstances. Sometimes I find myself thinking about how sucky my job is or how the check engine light on my car has been on for the past couple of weeks, that I don't take the time to appreciate that I even have a job or a car. They might not be great, but after being out of work for months and having no form of reliable transportation for awhile, it's a blessing to have what I have.

Focusing on the things that are good in my life, helps me to not be weighed down by the things that aren't.

2. Stop the Comparison

In the age of social media, seeing people who are better off than I am can be discouraging. Even without social media, seeing friends who have graduated college and gone on to get jobs in their fields almost immediately, sometimes makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, but in the end, I have to remember that everyone's journey is different. By focusing on my own journey, I can drown out the voices in my head telling me that I'll never achieve the things others have and focus on just being the best version of myself.

3. Stop Feeling Guilty For Treating Myself

It's become common to shame poor people for spending money on things that aren't necessities ( if you don't believe me, just read the articles claiming that poor people would be better off if they stopped paying for Netflix or something). Unfortunately, I've also fallen into the pattern of shaming myself every time I spend money on something I want, rather than something I need. Of course money management is a good skill to practice, but I'm not spending money on something that would pay for a month of rent so why should I not be allowed to enjoy things? Life is hard enough already without feeling like I can't treat myself every now and then.

. . . . .

I know that 2022 is going to bring about some great things for me. For one, I plan on getting my own place in the next few months and building a life for myself that I can be happy with and proud of. And that starts with being at peace with myself mentally, even when my circumstances make it hard for me to be at peace physically.

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Thanks for reading!

-Chanté