Confessions logo

Reaching my 30's and accepting my dimples

by Kayleigh Taylor 6 months ago in Embarrassment
Report Story

I'm still a f~cking queen

Me and all of my glory

Looking at myself and trying hard to collapse my own lung as I breathe in my several lbs of fat, I let out an

Ugh

as I stare myself down in the mirror. What an awful sight of flab, fat and dimples. Stretchmarks that go from ass to tit and a double chin that gives Mr Blobby a run for his money. Telling myself out loud how awful I look to see if it makes me feel the motivation to change and repeating the words

You ugly, old, fat bitch...look at you

Yet, all the while I would never dream of saying these words to another human being and in fact, I have no doubt that I would never even think them. I look at older women rocking silver streaks and male foxes rocking the greying beard and I see nothing but sex appeal. I see the larger than life ladies with curves for days, rocking it down the catwalks or sprawled out across fashion catalogues and I see nothing but beauty. But for some reason, when I saw myself, I never saw that... I saw

Ugh

2019, before i gained my body in weight

Until, one day I was going through my old google photos and I was crying inside at photographs of me only 2 years ago with slender legs and a flat tum. Before cringing at the now bumpy tree trunks I call legs and the belly rolls that have accumulated after 2 years of neglect and eclairs. When I decided to stand up and start walking around my sofa, spouting major pain shit to myself to get myself motivated.

Had there have been a fly on my wall that day, it would have been waving the crazy flag.

Luckily it didn't take long for me to stop and think, (well actually it was a good ten minutes of crazy first) that the way I saw myself wasn't healthy and if I heard my daughter talk like I was, I would have scolded her with love to show her how beautiful she is.

Now, we all say beauty comes from within. But, lets be brutally honest, it starts from outside. As shallow as that may sound it is unfortunately the truth in society today and we do judge a book by its cover before we give it a read. I had to teach myself however that doesn't mean I have to be slim and gorgeous to be beautiful. Presentation is key.

It's no shame for the majority of society to admit that some people were just blessed with the most beautiful looks, some of the most natural beauty in the world. That doesn't make the rest of us ugly, it just means we have to work harder when we present ourselves.

https://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2012/11/kendall-jenner-very-long-legs-cover-miss-vogue-australia/

Sure, Kendall Jenner can roll out of bed in the morning with her 2 mile long legs, slender waist and catwalk jawline and look ready to rock with her almost flawless looks. But, that doesn't mean I can't roll out of bed in the morning with a thud, near breaking my ankles from the weight of my arse landing on my feet, my half wiped off makeup sticking to my eyes and dry spots in the corner of my mouth, and be ready to rock with my far from flawless looks either. I just have to clean up first.

The point is (after my minor rant) I realised after sitting down from my military style self rant that actually as fat as I may have got, I'm still a sexy mother fucker. From 10 stone to 19 stone in 2 years. An unhealthy gain and I have the medical record to show for it. But, I'm working on that side of things. That doesn't mean I should hate myself in the process.

So I don't.

I stood in the mirror today and yesterday and everyday since my tyrant rant and I give myself several kind compliments:

You're a curvaceous, smart, independent, sexy, funny, talented and unique woman. Your stretch marks tell your story of motherhood, covid-19 and all of the things in between. Your fat arse is gorgeous and an asset to your physical self. Your eyes sparkle hazel and you have so much hair, it makes the bald envious

My partner didn't like the bald comment...

It's an inevitable fact that the majority of us, no matter how beautiful, handsome, slim and fit, will gain weight and we will become less fit. Now we can either choose to deal with that and make changes or learn to accept our ever changing selves. So, that's exactly what I did.

I am eating better and detoxing once a week. I take ginger and turmeric pills every morning to help with metabolism and digestion. I take Vitamin D as a boost due to the lack of winter sun and I try to walk somewhere everyday. Those are the start of the physical changes. But, emotionally I have changed a lot too.

Me as the 'Tubby' sun

I am more accepting of myself, I give myself encouragement, I take funny pictures of my double chin, I dance in my underwear and laugh at my flappy belly bouncing around to 'House of Pains-Jump around', I take a little time to do my make up for me and nobody else, I accentuate my fat arse and enjoy the compliments for it too. I am unapologetic, beautiful, unique, crazy and just the right amount of unhinged.

My glorious fat arse

I'm a fucking queen and I will celebrate as such.

To me, to you and to every other crown wearing crazy in the crowd. Strut your stuff and say sorry to nobody.

Cheers x

Thank you for reading my work. I hope you have enjoyed this piece of writing. if you have, I would love for you to share the love. Or, if you're feeling extra generous, how about a tip?

Embarrassment

About the author

Kayleigh Taylor

Book, coffee and pet obsessed writer who loves writing the raw reality of topics including sex, parenthood and

Kayleigh

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2022 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.