Quit Playing Victim! These 5 Reasons Are Probably Why They Won’t Speak To You

So you used to be close. You went places together. You shared your stories heart-to-heart with each other and became supportive of one another like best friends normally do. However, lately they have been avoiding you. Your text messages go unreplied. Your social media and meme posts are on without their likes and comments.

If you feel the hurt from the changes of their behaviour towards you, it’s perfectly normal. Still, before you start playing victim, why don’t you self-reflect first? Perhaps you have done or are still doing one or few of these five (5) things:

• You Always Think Negatively About Everything

Okay, so nobody’s perfect. We can’t always be happy. There are times we feel sad and need to vent.

The thing is, who can put up with your constant whining and complaints? It’s as if you’ve got no more reasons left to be happy, especially after friends have tried their best to cheer you up.

However, that doesn’t seem to stop you from complaining all over again. In fact, you seem to relish their attention this way. The bad news is, no matter how nice your friends generally are, no one can put up being your free therapist all the time. This is not about them being mean and disloyal to you. You’re not the only thing that matters to them. They have other things to do too.

• You Love Playing Double Standard.

This is slightly related to the previous point. For example: you love venting out when you’re in a bad mood. However, if it’s your friend’s turn to do the same to you, you don’t even listen to them. According to you, nothing beats all the problems you have in your life. In fact, you bluntly tell them that you just don’t want to hear theirs.

Don’t be surprised if your friends are gradually feeling sick of listening to you. You are selfish and rude. Don’t blame them when they finally decide to talk to other friends instead of you. You’ve been treating them like your mere audience the whole time, instead of equal friends.

Don’t force them to be your loyal listeners all the time if it’s not quid pro quo. You’re so picky!

• You’re Selfish, Domineering, and Always Aiming To Win

Talking to you is actually fun, as long as the topic isn’t heavy. The problem is, you are always persistent to win every argument in any way possible. If your argument happens to make sense, perhaps your friends won’t be so pissed off with you. (Well, hopefully.)

If you’re clearly mistaken, yet you refuse to admit that you’re at fault here or at least defeat? Your friends may finally give up on you. You’re always exhausting them!

• You Love Imposing Your Views On Other People

What is so annoying and exhausting from people who always want to win? As if still unhappy enough with the dirty ways they try to win their argument (including using ad-hominem alias verbally attacking the other party’s personal issues), you still aim to get them to verbally state that they agree with you. You have already known that their silence is not their agreement nor compliance with you.

They’re just too lazy and tired to keep arguing with you, especially over the same damn thing!

You just have to subdue them really low, so that you can make fun of them later on. It’s as if you’ve completely forgotten that you’ve been friends with them for so long that “agreeing to disagree without too much drama” should be the norm. You even do this for other, more petty subjects.

For example: you’ve been so into a certain ideology – or you’re joining a group of conspiracy theorists. Like a fanatic gone overboard, you want all your friends to join in. You start sending them article links, videos, and memes related to your new belief system. You even only want to talk about one thing all the time.

What if your friends can’t stand you even more? You’ll do whatever it takes to make them feel stupid and guilty. This method is well-known as ‘gaslighting’. Then don’t get all touchy when your friends don’t feel like talking to you anymore. Just be ready to be muted, unfollowed, and blocked.

• You Love Sulking and Whining Openly On Social Media

Feeling very upset that your friends have been ignoring you, then you sulk and whine openly on social media. You post status or memes that insinuate how you “have been avoided by your own friends”. Plus, you also add the strong suspicions why they have been doing so.

Unfortunately, as adults, this method of yours will be perceived childish. Instead of successfully fishing for their reaction, they’ll keep ignoring you more. Try to control your ego first if you really want to speak to your friends again. Kindly ask them why they have been rather reluctant to speak to you lately.

Just to be on the safe side, be the bigger person by apologizing first if you have ever done them wrong. Still, be ready with their brutal honesty. Listen to them until they finish talking. Stop interrupting them with your excuses or justifications. If you do that, then they might regret that they have tried talking to you again.

Remember, good friends are not just those who only praise you highly. They also get to call you out on your mistakes. After that? It’s your call. Do you want to keep playing victim for your ego – or keep your friendship?

R.