Perception

There was a recent event which upset me , but was caused by me actually breaking a major rule that I was ignorant of, and really this should never have occurred but that is by the way now and it is , as far as I am concerned , water under the bridge.

I am not proud of my response, I got a lot of things wrong in that but have just closed the conversation but will leave it there as a warning to myself.

Someone reported me , but did not contact me directly, and that upset me. I was not bothered by who actually did that, although it got me thinking, why did they not contact me directly?

I do not like work situations when people go over my head to complain without contacting me. Someone once asked me to get them some specialised data , which required a lot of extra work from me, but I got it and sent it to them in an Excel workbook. They said it was in the wrong order, so I just said well it’s in Excel just sort it in the correct order.

Next thing I am in a disciplinary hearing for refusing to provide data to this person , who was at the same management level as me. The people conducting the hearing were shocked at the frivolity of the “charge”. Afterwards I told them they would get nothing that was not BAU from me ever again. I had put a lot of effort into getting that data and their laziness had caused this issue.

Other people became aware of what happened and it was forgotten , but people became wary of this person.

Now this recent incident.

People who know me know what I am like, know I help people , and know that I make mistakes. While I will stand up for myself (I have been bullied many times in my life) I always hope that people see me for who I really am , and most people do , but these are people who know me.

But step back from that position and who do I become.

Coming across me people may think I am a successful Vocal Creator (not really true) , and that may present an image of someone who is therefore unapproachable.

If someone is seen as unapproachable and has done something you disagree with , maybe even hurtful to you , what action can you take?

You may only have a few friends you can talk to , but you don’t think that they will understand your issue. So your only option is to go to an official higher level.

If someone doesn’t know me then I might be seen as successful and therefore aggressive and someone not to be crossed.

I recently wrote a piece called “Don’t Overwhelm” about people who need to be looked out for.

People like that may feel threatened by me, and that is not good for them or me , but only by becoming closer can we slowly eradicate this situation.

I don’t expect everyone to love me or like me, we are all different, but the only people I want to feel threatened by me are those that bully and hurt others.

If anyone who reads this does feel threatened by me or scared of me or worried about me , please get in touch with me. I want to know why and would love us to find some common ground and come to support each other in any way we can.

If someone sees me in the street they don’t know who I am or what I am like and they may see me as a threat.

I pride myself in that I learn my lessons and always look to improve myself but sometimes that is not enough, and I have to step up further and try to find what is enough.

The music I have included is This Mortal Coil's take on Tim Buckley's "Song To The Siren" which is a wonderfully calming song perfect for what I am trying to to do to myself now.