Ok, I have a confession to make

I don't like my child on most days. Three out of Four days she is great, the other days, she is tolerable if she's lucky. That's not to say I don't like her generally, I do and of course I love her more than anything (even when I want to squeeze her face). But, my preteen, rolling eyed, attitude wheeling, know all, YouTube obsessed emo is grinding my gears in more ways than one. (Shout out to Family Guy fans).

When you spend all day as a mother waking up at 6:30, cleaning before you even brush your hair, sorting out the house and home, looking after your partner, child and your abundance of pets, the least you expect is a little gratitude. Now I'm not on about full blown thank yous, I'm on about simple acknowledgement. The acknowledgement that I am here, I exist and those clothes on your back are there because I: The mother fucking fairy god MOTHER washed them for you and bought them to go on your back. What I didn't expect before having kids was that I might as well piss in the wind on top of the Malvern Hills if I was to expect even a smudge of acknowledgement...especially from a pubescent preteen.

Now, I just want to get one thing clear. I wouldn't change my life, my daughter or my partner. I love my life and I love them. But, I'm entitled to a rant. I'm entitled to want more. I work everyday hard for my family, I love them unconditionally and I give my all. I do online courses regularly to keep my mind sharp and my learning updated. Up until recently I worked part time as well. But I wasn't happy and much preferred to learn and keep my head in my laptop to write instead. I'm fortunate to be with a man that supports me in that respect. I work hard at home, I learn, I teach and he brings in the majority of the wage. It doesn't work for everyone. But, it works for us. I also sell my creations online. But, that has become a spare time thing now. I'm going back to University in January to study a degree over 6 years. 6 very expensive years and 20+ hours added onto my already 50+ week. But, learning is where I thrive. And maybe, just maybe at the end of it I will have the career I've always wanted.

So, my daughter. Let me tell you a little about her.

She is beautiful, inside and out. She is unique, crazy, smart, hilariously funny. She can't dance at all but she can sing with the authenticity of a real star. She has legs longer than Michael Jordan and the most beautiful and piercing eyes. She loves Art and all things creative. She listens to crap music and some amazing music. She loves morons on YouTube but she could watch cat YouTube videos for hours on end. She has the most genuine laugh and cannot stand to be touched under her neck, otherwise she falls to the floor almost wetting herself. She is fantastic with media creation, her drawing is improving tremendously everyday. She plays a little keyboard and she loves her drums. She could listen to Alexa all day, she is messy as hell and I have to tell her 20 times a day to tidy her room. She isn't the greatest judge of character but she is soft, kind and loyal to her friends. She loves unconditionally and hates very few. She is a follower yet completely individual. She wears glasses, yet doesn't need them. She farts and blames the dog and she gives the most wonderful 'eye kisses' (inside joke). She rarely calls us mummy and daddy anymore but mama and dada when she wants something or is feeling gooey. She throws her clothes all over her room, never washes the bubbles out of her hair properly and did I mention how messy she was? Her favourite colour is everchanging. But, she loves black, yellow and shades of blue. She is feminine but not girly. She loves dresses and skirts but rarely wears them. She loves ripped jeans, bucket hats, Starbucks and fishnets. She's the most annoying child in the middle of the night but utterly hilarious.

She's also sometimes aggressive, loud, obnoxious, annoying, a huge know all, stroppy, ignorant and sometimes ungrateful. Did I also mention how messy she was?

These are the days I don't like her.

Yet, on these days of dislike. The days I look at her face and wish the law on punishing your kids hadn't drastically changed from the 50's. On these days I still smile at her. I still hug her, tell her I love her, make her laugh and appreciate her spirit. Her spirit is strong, so strong and a reminder of what I was once like...what I am like.

My girl is a queen and a beast. The best and the worst. The good and the bad. She makes me question the decisions I make as a mother while at the same time reminding me how right I must be getting it. Because, she is so utterly imperfect that she is the perfect human being I've ever known.

My annoying, loveable, messy, rolling eyed preteen.

Mama loves you.

And this, was my confession.

Thank you very much for reading my writing and enjoying my work. If you did thoroughly enjoy it, please leave some love. Better yet, if you're feeling extra generous...How about a tip?