office friends

August 22nd, 2022

Some days I just wish to run away and be gone for a week or two. Take the train and go somewhere south, where the people are warmer. I’d wear a wig and put some makeup on, and even hide behind big sunglasses that cover half my face; just for the fantasy. And if anyone asked for my name, I’d answer: Penelope.

I’m here today to write about work; again. I wonder how much longer this office life will be a subject of my entries. I have read some of my previous texts and they seem far away, though only a few months have passed.

And yes, I know. It’s hard to believe such a fabulous creature like me would ever work in an office from 9 to 5. Well, 8 to 4:30 to be exact, but still.

The work is fine, but the people get to me. I’m sure I’ve made my discomfort with co-workers clear in my previous entries, but this weekend I felt extremely bothered.

A horrible idea erupted in the office. Let’s meet up! On our day off! At the park! It was doomed. Tens of people who have nothing in common except for the fact that they sit in the same room for five days a week doing the same tedious tasks, gathering in a park to sit and get to know themselves better. There’s nothing more horrifying to me than this.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing personal against these people. I would be just as repellent if it were a completely different group - it’s just people in general. But also, we already see each other everyday and have many chances to engage in social endeavors AT the office. I am already at my employer's disposal for such a long time that I do not wish to spend a minute outside the office in a work related gathering.

Anyway, the day arrived and the weather was deemed terrible. Heavy rain and wind, clouds and puddles and mud in the peak of summer. Who’d have known? Maybe my prayers were heard. To finish it off with a bang, my boyfriend gets sick. I obviously used all of this as an excuse not to go. But I made a mistake.

While seeking comfort, I texted a friend and asked if she was going, to which she positively replied immediately. I was expecting her to say no, and that she wouldn’t attend - I had gotten the impression that she would bail from a previous conversation at work. I answered that I’d wait and see.

I ended up falling asleep and waking up at 11 at night, to a couple of angry messages from her. My excuses would obviously sound like a lie on Monday but luckily, my boyfriend was in fact sick and the weather was in fact terrible.

I rued the moment I had to leave for work at the beginning of the week. I knew I’d had to face all of those who were counting on me to go, and for some reason I feel horrible for not going. I did NOT want to go, so why do I feel guilty? I do care too much. About irrelevant things. She approached me at lunch after having said she did not want to speak to me (which even as a joke, hits you) and asked me for an excuse - to which I calmly answered, though clearly bothered.

She was one of the only who addressed my absence at the event. The only other mention was by someone who also did not attend. And even though no one really interrogated me, I still have a bad aftertaste in my mouth.

I wonder what Penelope would have done this morning at work. She would have probably just called in sick and smoked a cigarette by her balcony, enjoying the sunrise and analyzing the city’s awakening. Someday I’ll channel my inner Pen and not feel sorry for myself. I come across as strong and stable, but the reality is far from Penelope.

- Ms. Rodwell