NORTHERN MISFIT

Write about a time when you felt like a misfit. Oh, let me count the ways! Have you ever felt like a misfit among your colleagues? Check! I used to leave work every day at 3:15 to get home to my dogs and running and house and hobbies. Most of the other teachers would stay to work on their classrooms or planning. They looked down on me for it because I didn't have a "conventional" family I was going home to. Does that count? Have you ever felt like a misfit among your peers? Check! How about the time when I lived in a dorm my freshman year of college, and all the girls were binging and purging except for me. Was I misfit material? Do you feel like a misfit among your family? Check! Check!! And checkmate!!! I know I qualify for this one. I could win a medal for this category. I am a single, divorced, childless female who is free thinking and doesn't belong to a religious group or political party, in a conservative, religious family. Nope, fur babies do not count in this elite group. Pretty sure I check off boxes that don't even exist yet, ha!

All that having been said, I could wax on and on about not fitting in with conventional society norms. However, lucky for you, my audience, I chose to write a whimsical story about a girl Dorothy (Lisa) who isn't in Kansas (Colorado) anymore Toto (Berlioz). Let's face it, we've all felt like misfits at one time or another. If you haven't, then you have led a very charmed life. We creatures called people tend to need rules, conventions, and boxes to define and control each other. I prefer the word sheeple, if you will. The truth is, I have never been good about coloring inside the boxes. I like thinking outside of them and not being labeled. I am actually rather proud of this trait. Therefore, I have never been quite so out of my element as I have in Texas.

My first baptism by fire in Texas was shortly after meeting this man. So, you one of them liberals, huh? Oh? How is that? Well, you're a teacher and you're from Colorader, so that means you voted for weed. Hmmm, well if you need to put me in that box...but I am actually much more complicated than that. Is it troublesome that his grammar wasn't even bothering me the most at this point? I have since been teased quite a bit down here for the "weed thing". Until things got pretty quiet, when the rest of the country started following suit, ha!

In the beginning after my move from Colorado to Texas I was frequently asked three questions from my friends from home:

1. Did I miss the snow yet?

2. Did I have an accent yet?

3. Am I a Texans fan yet?

The answer to all three questions was a resounding no, but the accent thing did come up a time or two down here. While unloading my swim bag from my car at the rec center, a man noticed my Broncos sticker. You are a long way from the Mile High City. Yes sir, I am. Oh! You must be from there. You have an accent! Yes sir, I am, but ya'll are the ones with an accent! Ha! Nearly every time I am out in public someone asks where my accent is from. I politely say I am from Colorado, but that we don't consider ourselves to have an accent. As for the weather, it has snowed three times in the six years I've been down here. Each time I was told that I must feel right at home. Actually, I miss my flip-flops. During the crippling deep freeze we had this past winter, we were without water for eight long days. You must feel right at home the ladies at the nail salon said. No ma'am, I have never gone 8 days without water in any Colorado blizzard!

I came to Texas with moderate allergies and asthma. I took maintenance meds to control the symptoms which worked just fine in Colorado. A few months in and I was rushed to the emergency room for a full on asthma attack here. Later, my new family physician informed me that Houston, Texas was the worst possible place I could have moved to with these conditions. Well, now you tell me, we joked! The biggest enemy in Colorado for my dogs was frostbitten paw pads if I was a negligent owner, (which I wasn't), or the occasional tick. Texas was a whole new world of health challenges for my Saint Bernard, Berlioz. Suddenly there are fleas and heartworms and monthly maintenance meds. But the scariest thing of all was when my Saint developed heavy breathing problems that ice cubes and cooling pads were no longer helping. After a scary night in the emergency clinic, he was diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis, something I had never heard of before. Apparently, it is common in hot, humid climates.

As much as I love to make fun of a state that loves itself so much that it sells Texas-shaped pasta, has grasshoppers that are so large they have their own zip code, and brags about the size of EVERYTHING, I wouldn't trade my experiences here. I have learned a lot. I have expanded my horizons. But most of all, I have been forced to think outside the box; the very trait I pride myself on. While others have been entertained by my "accent", or the fact that I have no idea what the Mason/Dixon line is, I have been equally entertained as well. The weather forecaster who said the snow should make landfall by midnight comes to mind. One of my favorite sayings is we don't do/say/have that in Colorado. In all honesty, I don't miss the cold and snow. I love that trees flower year round here. When friends send me winter pictures, I send pictures of my beach-ready toes in flip-flops. I don't mind being a misfit down here. I am unique. I am not a sheeple. I wear my team colors with pride, in spite of the possibility of being shot. Raise your hand if you are a vanilla person in a chocolate world. CHECK!