New Dirt

I finally was off the plane, and took my first step into the dirt which was mixed with gravel, the purest soil I've ever seen. I instantly felt connected to the earth, or it could have been the amount of dirt and rocks that were instantly molded into my toes that were out to the world due to my current choice of footwear. “Where did I take myself now” I said to myself, swatting away whatever bug just landed on my shoulder.

The scent was unlike any other I've ever experienced. It was one of courage, hope, adventure, and purity. A smell I have been longing for. I wasn’t aware if I was nervous, excited, in shock, or still woozy from the motion sickness aid I took to survive the tiny plane ride I had just taken. A new place, a new world, a new beginning to make a difference, an opportunity to succeed in a way that was genuine and real. "What a time to be alive," I thought to myself.

I began to take small steps, one after another, dirt on dirt, sun on my skin, brown people everywhere, working, walking, enjoying. This would be my home, these would be my people, this would be my family. I always felt I was born to run, to experience, to love, laugh, and give.

What I didn’t know quite yet was how and when I would be able to unleash this want and passion to be on a new spiritual awakening path. Duffel bag in hand, I began to round the corner to my new home and there it was. A symbol of strength, an animal that exuberated confidence, humility with a touch of defeat. That glorious massive, browned bull. This will be my becoming, and he will be along for the ride, standing, stalking, and taking me in.

Eye contact was avoided, but I could feel his hot breath as I skimmed the fence, prickling my skin on the rough edges. Recognizing this was the only wooden barrier between myself and this beast, symbolic of the shift in my inner being of wanting to run yet embracing any ounce of security. A small metaphor that the universe decided to give me in the beginning of my journey, something to hold onto and cherish.

As I turned the corner a large rush of rotting sewage entered my nostrils. My ears began to ring, my 20/20 vision was beginning to deteriorate, and the blur began to take over. I centered myself on a small twig which had a small, tiny rag. As I used this for balance, I quickly took my hand away realizing this was precisely where the smell was coming from. This was my new bathroom, a small hole in the ground, with a grotesque piece of cloth.

As I looked up, there he was, starring at me, as if he was already second guessing me. Laughing, doubting, underestimating in every way he could. “I’ll show you,” I silently recited to myself. I slowly began to to get my bearings together, swallowed whatever decided to try and make its way out of me, and accepted that this would be my new reality, and I was grateful for it.

Turning the corner, I saw her for the first time. Plump, wrinkled & gentle, with the most beautiful green eyes and darkest of brown hair. Dimples filled her face as she welcomed in a stranger into her home. A stranger from another world other then her own, a stranger looking to find a home in someone else’s home.

The embrace between us was uncertain yet comfortable, and an embrace that brought us both to tears in an instant moment. As I began to wipe the tears from my shoulder, I saw him, starring, the bull, but this time it wasn’t judgement it was understanding. Understanding that we would share this home, but undeniably always have the urge to run.