My worst writing won a competition

I have always been an avid writer, but 98% of the words I have written have never had another pair of eyes criticize them as much as my own have. Most of my stories are mediocre, average at best, with too many plot holes to count and shallow characters that are immune to change. I say I am an avid writer, but I am by no means a good one. I will probably NEVER consider myself to be a proper writer with any considerable talent until I win a Vocal challenge. That seems like an unfair thing to do to myself, I know. There are so many thousands of talented writers on Vocal that, just because they win a challenge instead of me, shouldn’t mean I am therefore a poor writer.

But when I am in the middle of writing and frequently checking my stats to see that only 2 people have read something of mine (one of them being my Mum. Hi, Mum) then what else am I to think? I don’t consider myself to be a failure, yet I am nowhere close to ever thinking that I am successful. I imagine there are hundreds of people who feel similarly, stuck in some purgatory of lame words and forgettable sentences not worthy of any attention. Despite the harsh criticism we give ourselves, we keep writing. . . Why? Generally if I am not good at something I find it frustrating and give up. Writing and submitting to Vocal seems to be the only exception for me. Perhaps this is my subconscious genuinely showing that I do think I have talent, deep down, at least enough to warrant not giving up.

I judge my writing very seriously. I don’t know whether I am ever that happy or proud of anything I have written. I think I have a problem. I think that I am the kind of person that won’t ever recognize my own accomplishments so I need someone else to do it for me. Hence, winning a Vocal competition means I am a good writer and until then I am only an amateur.

Each time I see one of my submissions going unnoticed I wonder what I am doing wrong and there is a bit of disappointment every time. I can only hope that continuous writing and submissions will eventually help me improve enough to win something and get some affirmation of my writing ability.

Until then, I will accept my sub-par writing.

There is one thing that gives me hope, though, even though it is one of my achievements that I find the most cringeworthy and lame.

When I was a kid, I was reading one of those kids’ K-Zone magazines (you know the ones - about T.V shows, pop culture, books, educational facts about science, geography, and most importantly came with a little toy), and there was a competition advertised on one of the pages. I had to write about who I would choose to be for one day to the best spy and why, in 250 words. The prize? I would win the collection of the Cherub series by Robert Muchamore. I loved those books, so I was like heck yeah! I wrote this story about how I would be the President of Australia, the boss of the government so I could see all the hidden departments like Area 51 and know everything and be the best spy for a day.

Now for those of you reading this that don’t live in Australia, let me tell you why this is so embarrassingly stupid.

1. Australia has a Prime Minister

That’s right. Australia doesn’t even have a president! The person I chose to be for a day so I could spy doesn’t even technically exist. How foolish I was as a child to think THIS would catch the judge’s eye. I thought I had a perfect answer . . . a real face-palm moment.

2. Australia isn’t known for an Area 51 department

Yep, my next zinger of an idea is that being the president of Australia I would be privy to all the knowledge hidden away from the public, including Area 51. Yeah, because the PRESIDENT of AUSTRALIA would know all about AMERICAN secret departments. . . That is what I like to call a 2-IQ idea.

3. Why would the President be the best role I could choose to be a spy?

Even if the President of Australia was an actual thing, why would they know anything about the secret goings-on of the country? If there is one thing I know now, it is just because they lead a country doesn’t mean that they have any idea what they are doing half the time. As a kid, I thought the president was the top-dog. Silly me.

4. Aren’t spies supposed to spy on the 'bad guys'?

From what I have gathered through watching James Bond movies and reading the Cherub series, aren’t spies supposed to be spying on the bad guys!? If so, then why would I choose to be the president spying on my own government? My stupid child-self didn’t realize this makes it sound like the government is the 'baddy'. Geez, my chest is tightening just thinking about how dreadfully wrong it all is.

My submission is so laughably stupid to me now reflecting on it. The worst part is it absolutely would have been to the judges, too. I can imagine them opening my handwritten letter sent via post (before online submissions were popular) and reading it with tears streaming down their faces in their fits of laughter. A President of Australia?! They would cry and giggle in disbelief at the pathetic submission from some silly overconfident kid who knew no better.

Here is probably the most embarrassing part . . .

It won.

Maybe they chose me to win, thinking mine was the funniest? Maybe it was a pity-win? Shocking, I know, but in case you don't believe me here is my evidence below.

How is it, after all these years I have been writing that this submission is all I have to show for it?! My talent as a writer is shown through this piece? Recognition of my skills is all demonstrated by this? How embarrassing! Good god I hope that this isn’t going to be the one and only writing competition I win in my lifetime, I couldn’t bear it!

If that can win, then surely now that I am a much better writer I can win something again, right, and finally break free of that embarrassing piece?

I sure hope so.