My First Step into the Realm of Fan Fiction"

1st Piece

My First Step into the Realm of Fan Fiction"

My first piece was not an assignment; I wrote it when I was just ten years old. I remember sitting at the family computer in our shared workspace, eagerly waiting as Microsoft Office slowly loaded, the familiar chime signalling its launch. Surprisingly, despite my young age, I found myself quite adept at typing, thanks to a children's game that had taught me basic computer and school skills. I would spend hours engrossed in playing the typing game, my small hands expertly navigating the keyboard, eagerly pressing the letters that matched the spooky purple-blue flying letter creatures descending on the screen.

On that memorable day, inspiration struck like a lightning bolt, sparking within me the urge to write a captivating tale. Effortlessly, the words flowed from my fingertips onto the screen, guided by an unseen force. With each tap of the keyboard, the story unfolded in my mind, the characters coming to life and the plot weaving together seamlessly. This narrative was born from an episode of Rugrats I had recently watched, but I felt compelled to elevate it beyond measure. Unaware of the concept of plagiarism at such a young age, this might have been my first venture into fan fiction.

Once I finished writing, I took a moment to admire my creation. Without considering proofreading or editing, I excitedly hit the print button, eager to hold my story in my hands. The printer whirred to life, and soon the pages emerged, still warm from the ink. I carefully collated them and bound them together with a piece of string, creating my very first book.

To give my book a professional touch, I designed a cover page using Clip Art, carefully selecting the perfect image to represent the essence of my story. I placed the title, "Mud-pies," prominently in the middle, using a colourful font that captured the playful spirit of my tale. It was a masterpiece in my eyes, a tangible representation of my creativity and imagination.

During our family dinner that evening, I gathered the courage to share my story with my extended relatives. As cIutched my book tightly, my heart raced with excitement and nervousness. I began reading, but my voice quivered slightly, and I stumbled over some words. I couldn't tell if it was due to the lack of proofreading, my less-than-perfect reading skills, or simply the overwhelming emotions of the moment. Whatever the cause, I couldn't help but feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. When I finished reading, everyone burst into applause, but soon the conversation turned to other things and my story was forgotten. I settled back into my seat, feeling disappointed that my story and its presentation weren't flawless.

But, even now, as I write these words, I can't help but feel like that little girl again. The fear of making mistakes or facing criticism still lingers, often casting a shadow over my writing process. I find myself obsessively reading and re-reading my work, even after it's been published, critiquing every aspect that I no longer have control over. The anxiety of not living up to my own expectations, of not creating a flawless piece of art, can sometimes be overwhelming.

When I published my first novel, a story born from my need to Escape from the sadness of my everyday life and into a world of possibilities, my friends and family eagerly bought it, eager to support my dreams. But as they started reading and giving feedback, a wave of anxiety washed over me. I wished it was only strangers who had access to my story, shielding me from the judgments and opinions of those close to me. I wished I had chosen different words, kept the storyline more PG, considering it became a gift for my grandparents and other influential people in my life. Gradually, I learned to overcome this discomfort, moving on from the book and continuing to write, but the lingering self-doubt always remains.

Then, I made the decision to publish a memoir, a diary chronicling a time when my mental health was at its lowest. The entries are dated, capturing my scattered thoughts on various topics, reflections of a turbulent period in my life. What is evident throughout is the immense pain, the overwhelming anxiety, and the grief that compelled me to write as a means of release. My diary also includes pictures and little anecdotes about life in our small town, forming a haunting and poignant collection that vividly portrays the stages of early grief. Once again, after publishing, I immediately felt that it could have been better. The layout should have been different, and certain words and experiences may have been too triggering for readers. I became anxious that if people I knew read the book, they would judge me because of my raw and honest words.

Today, I am two decades older than the first time I sat at the family computer and wrote my story. Yet, I still feel like that little girl, navigating the vast world of writing with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. I know her, and I understand the discomfort she experienced. Can an author write a piece that appeals to every audience, is non-controversial, and is flawlessly crafted without a single mistake? Perhaps not, but I continue to write, hoping for a day when I can feel proud of my published work instead of endlessly critiquing it and cringing at the thought of others reading it. As a writer, I have evolved, but the anxiety of unveiling my work to the world remains. Writing has become an adventure of self-discovery and understanding, allowing me to explore diverse topics, perspectives, and emotions. It is an ongoing journey that I want to continue, even though I sometimes wish I could retreat and avoid harsh feedback. However, if I'm honest, the most critical person of my work has always been and will always be myself.