My Boss Is Too Involved In My Personal Life, I Think They Are Looking For Excuse To Fire Me

Some companies like to consider themselves as “families”. When they onboard a new employee they use the cliche phrase, “welcome to the family, now we will take care of you”. During the first few months, they do seem to care, but very soon they change, and rather than “care” for their employees they destroy them.

In the last six months, I’ve seen too many people quit their jobs. I consider these people very lucky because unfortunately there are those who didn’t have the chance the quit — they’ve waited too long, they endured the abuse and the pressure and in the end, they suffered a mental breakdown or worse.

I wasn’t exempt — just recently I’ve had a panic attack just as I left the workplace. Just 10 minutes earlier my colleague asked me, “Are you already leaving, it’s not even 6 PM yet…Do have to be somewhere or what?”

Looking back now, I think that was the last straw.

Companies would like their employees to be connected: go for after-work drinks, go to the cinema, stay longer in the office to play video games together.

They also encourage their bosses to stay connected with the team, sometimes even too much if you ask me. I know too many managers whose work shift is 24/7 and they state loud and clear that employees can text and call them anytime.

It’s wrong, unethical, and damaging for mental health.

But that’s how many companies operate: they do all in their power to keep control over their employees even after work hours. I remember this one company that used to provide free breakfast for their employees from Monday till Saturday.

Yes, you heard me right, they included Saturday as well — in case some of the employees would like to come in and catch up on work. The time slot for this breakfast was limited from 6 AM till 8 AM, which meant that if you want to get that greasy sausage you better give up on some good night's sleep and wake up around 4 AM.

Let me remind you that the office hours in the contract were from 9–5.

Too many people fell for this trap — I didn’t.

Lately, I’ve noticed another toxic trend among the top management on the rise. Managers are getting too involved in employees' lives, but with a hidden agenda. There is more leadership training that encourages managers to ask questions and engage with their staff on a personal level and not just on work topics.

Quite often your manager is simply making a conversation and doesn’t intend to make you uncomfortable. But what happens when your manager is actually trying to get personal information out of you to misuse it against you — perhaps even fire you?

Two months ago one of my colleagues suffered from an emotional breakdown. The reason? Burnout, personal relationships, and death in the family. He sent out an email to HR to inform them that he would need time off.

When he got back, the company fired him — his performance wasn’t as good as before. That’s exactly how families should treat one another, right?

It’s common sense that after going through hell as he did he would not be efficient as before — he needs some time.

The company doesn’t have time. They need machines who can just snap out of malfunction, not people who are emotional beings.

Now the company is unable to find a replacement for him.

During those last few weeks, before he got fired, he was very close to his manager. Getting along with your boss can be great, you may even feel so close to your boss that you hang out after work but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that your “friend ”is your boss and that honesty is not always the best policy in the workplace.

He is just one example of many other’s who opened up to their managers and HR about their personal issues after being “asked” and “reassured” that the company would not judge and would provide help and support.

Instead, all of them got fired.

Companies don’t want honesty — they want loyalty, no matter the cost.

So what are some common questions and requests that managers ask their employees that are inappropriate:

How does your personal life look like? Are you married? Do you have children?

Translation:

“Is your personal life stable or will it affect your work performance? Can you work longer hours — if you are single you could… Are you planning to have children soon, if so we should start looking for a replacement…”

“Can you keep me up to date with your health?”

Translation: “I need to make a plan to protect the company in case you decide to sue us for discrimination…”

“Can you always text me first when something urgent happens (examples: death of a family member; sickness; other tragedy)?”

Translation: “I don’t care how you are feeling or that your boss isn’t on your mind when something tragic happens but I need to know everything first so I can protect the business.”

“What is the reason behind your sickness?”

Translation: “Does it have to do anything with the company? If so, I will have to fire you…”

“Why don’t you socialize enough with the team members? Why don’t you drink? Why don’t you go for team dinners?”

Translation: “I think you don’t take your work as a priority and you would rather spend your free time with your real family than with us…”

“Tell me honestly what do you think about these changes in the company? Are you unhappy? What do others think in the team?”

Translation: “I need to know who is with me (company) or against.”

Consider the above questions and requests as warning signs. If you want to stay in the company then I would suggest the following ways how to handle these questions:

The best thing you can do is ignore the personal question. Simply pretend like there never was a question and carry on with your work. If your boss repeats the question then the best thing you can do is confront him.

You can say something like “That’s a little too personal” or “I don’t want to talk about that, I need to focus on work“.

Mangers are under severe stress too, they report to higher-ups who too are overwhelmed. But getting involved in employees personal life, asking personal questions repeatedly with a hidden agenda is one of the most toxic habits of corporations.

It harms employees. Sometimes it causes irreversible damage. My friend who too works for a well-known company just had an episode where he fainted at work. A business partner of mine died of a heart attack last year.

No money, titles, “fake success” are worthy of your life. Please, remember that. We are all scared of losing our jobs.

But think about the damage it will cause to your loved ones, if because of fear of losing your job — your family loses you?

Also, consider instead of ignoring your bosses prying questions — quitting.

There is always another job to be filled, especially in the time of the great Resignation. And to the companies, we are all replaceable.

But we are not replaceable to our families.

What are your thoughts?

Thank you for reading.

This story was originally published here.