Moonlit

Everything was dark. The stars had barely begun to show themselves yet the moon decided to shine brightly through the clouds. You told me if I told the moon of my wishes then they would come true. But, at that moment only one came to mind. For you to be by my side forever.

I remember Easter, 2018, the day we found out about the restless night you had. The loneliness you felt struggling to escape the depths of your mind. Your first stroke. At the time I could barely process the words coming from your mouth and did not understand the intensity of the matter.

The second hit harder. 2020, two years on from the first. I tried not to cry, I sat in my room for hours using daydreaming as a way to escape, something which became consuming. The idea of losing you was a pain that once thought of, rarely ended. The nights I trembled scared another stroke could happen made water well up. Luckily I have a restless dog at night who cuddled me to sleep.

So the day I looked the moon in the eyes I knew exactly what I would wish for. For you to never leave.

The day you first looked at me, a baby, I wish I remembered it. I wish I remembered all the moments we have had as it has gone by too fast. The times you threatened to cut all my hair off because I could barely look after it, the days I became as stubborn as you, and all the years where we sat in the car with you trying to make conversation because I am so very quiet.

How the time has passed makes me extremely sad, but also brings joy as I have spent that time around you. Or though there are moments we are frustrated with one another I wouldn't want it any other way, you have done so much for me and my brothers, if only time did not go so fast.

All the times you watched me swim in my competitions, the 4 am early mornings when are eyes barely stayed awake, the time you were so proud of me for getting into the next division. And even though I stopped shortly after, you were still proud. You have taught/shown me so much even if you don't realise it, reading this right now you would probably say "How I'm dyslexic?" Or something along those lines but you truly have.

You have taught me how to be kind, thoughtful and respectful and those may be basic things but they're something I believe everyone should know. There are also things you have said and done that I want to do when I have children of my own someday. The major being, never let the sun go down on an argument. When you first told me that I thought it was just because you can start fresh the next day with each other. But, there was a real meaning. If you argue with someone you love dearly and go to sleep, the next day they suddenly don't wake up that was your last conversation. So no matter what you always make sure we end on "I love you".

That is one thing I now stand by because of you and your love for us. I know in the past there are things you have tried doing for us kids and sometimes they haven't gone as planned but I assure you I have always enjoyed it, recently the quilt you are trying to make for me didn't go as you hoped but I love you even considered this for me. You always consider us. You aren't just my mum, you are also my friend.

So dear mum, I love you. Not enough words would be enough to describe it, and I'm sure you know that.  Perhaps I should tell you something you don't know.

Wait. That's impossible. Because even if I tried to hide something you would figure it out instantly, one of your mum abilities when you naturally know when something is going on in my head and or though you struggle to pinpoint it, you give me time to tell you.

I love you, your favourite daughter/only daughter, Gabrielle.