Managing Mondays

Today was a rough one. You know the kind of day that feels like the whole world is against you? Nothing goes your way, or a small hiccup turns into a ferocious cluster-fuck with no end in sight? Yup, that was this morning.

My dog had an open wound on her paw which had been attended to with loving care all weekend until it had finally scabbed over and within minutes of being free of her bandage and my watchful eye, it was open again.

Just some background on me and my pup situation; I am a recovering alcoholic with almost 5 years sobriety and have owned my dog since she was about 10 months old, she is now almost 4. If you notice the timeline, you can demise that I was not long on the wagon before I took on the responsibility of another life. I had just ended my first relationship that had begun in early sobriety with another newly sober person while in REHAB.... yeah, I know. There is a reason new relationships are not recommended, hindsight is in fact 20/20. My brightest and best thinking got me into a relationship with a dog instead of another person, much less bullshit right? Wrong! As adorable and sweet as she looks, my darling daughter of Scottish Terrier blood has the SAME demeanor and attitude I possessed as a teenager! (Holy Shit, sorry mom~!) Most expensive rescue I have ever had! Between the Board & Train place that "supposedly" got her AKC certified, training with another individual just starting out with their business, and finding out she is allergic to chicken I realized I picked myself a dog that was sure to test and grow my patience exponentially, even though I didn't know it at the time. I love her so very much and I am grateful to be her mom.

Starting your morning on the wrong side is never easy to turn around, but IT CAN BE DONE, it also doesn't help either that I forgot my phone on the charger, and happened to remember while I was in line for Starbucks. No points towards my next overpriced drink :( as I was completing my transaction there was a disgruntled man threatening to kill himself and ordering the staff to call police. I couldn't discern his sincerity which makes it all the more chilling because most times people just want to be heard. I had no phone to call anyone either, so I told the cashier to stay calm and safe. WTF is really going on in the world today? Driving the very short distance home I thought about how many times I had wished I wasn't alive anymore because my drinking was ruining my life, how I felt unseen and unheard in a society dominated by cold, calculating and uncaring people, what if that man just needed someone to talk to? What if he needed a shoulder to cry on? How could kindness overpower violence? How many lives could be saved if we actively listened to each other for understanding, growing as humans through empathy for others' suffering, truly becoming free of the matrix of division and illusion.

By the time I reached the driveway, I had redirected my selfish, negative thought patterns into that of a grateful student of life. Through my recovery I have lost and become a lot of things, but the thing I hold most dear is my loving heart. No matter how hard or brutal the world may turn, I will not allow that poison in my system again. Hate is unfortunately a necessary energy, if only to balance the scales or remind us of the scales' existence in the first place. When we are in balance with our personal, professional, and private lives then does humanity flourish, however until then, injustice will continue. Today I am grateful I no longer feed the scales on which hate, anger and resentment is weighed. I use my energy wisely nowadays and so even when a Monday starts like shit...doesn't mean the whole day is fucked.