Love that seems to have existed and never existed
I am so miserable,
Watching movies and TV dramas love is always male two, every time was abused crazy tears. Sometimes, male two love is not shallow than male one, but because of various reasons to the end most choose to endure. Do you think the deep heart of the two men must be worth mentioning as a foil?
I say, no one's love is born humble.Ren Junran's sudden visit made me a little confused. My college life continued the barren and bleak of my high school days, and seemed so boring because of too much salt fish, which formed a sharp contrast with the colorful circle of Ren Junran's friends.
In the past two years since I came to this city, I, as a limp, semi-disabled young woman, never had the courage to climb the lofty mountain. Instead, I only visited the Buddhist Temple Dai and was deeply impressed by the low and stately walls.
I didn't quite understand the excitement of a travel enthusiast, but still prepared the tools for climbing in advance, including but not limited to three rented military coats, three walking sticks, and two large buckets of Nongfu Spring.
Ren Jun Ran and his gay friend to climb Mount Tai, a tourism management major, a fat little smile, boasted that he would go all over the world, the first thing to do is to conquer the five mountains.
Ren Jun Ran and I are high school classmates, three years deskmate, good relationship can wear a pair of pants, but also my only friend in the opposite sex, should be treated well.
I found Ren Gunran in the crowded train station, a tall man in a crisp, light jacket with hair that looked like it had just been repaired, waving at me as he talked on the phone.
I took them to eat some of the most famous Japanese food in the region, decorated in the style of the popular Japanese dramas of the past. The shop was covered with pictures of ocean waves and the ceiling was decorated with colorful umbrellas.
Ren Jun Ran sat between the umbrella and the waves, carefully looking at me for a few eyes, suddenly laughed: "After going to college, you become beautiful."
We have not seen each other for nearly two years. The weight caused by academic pressure in senior year has been slowly dissolved by time. In order to deal with the swimming ring on my waist, I once ate only a tasteless broccoli for dinner for two months.
Before I picked them up, I went to the hairdresser's and blew my hair out a little bit, pretending I was serious about dressing up.
I couldn't tell what it was, but I got up early that day and did my homework for the meeting, carefully dressing up and even wearing an inappropriately thin skirt.
Roommates looking at me will dress full of bed, take the trouble to compare in front of the mirror, laughing gossip: "How? Your boyfriend is coming?"
Ren Jun Ran was not my boyfriend, but somehow, I suddenly remembered the winter of my senior year in high school. The afternoon when the air conditioning stopped suddenly, the cold wind slipped in along the window crack. I was especially afraid of the cold, and was shivered by the small ray of cold wind.
He sat next to me, his eyes locked on the open book, after a while suddenly put his warm hand over, took my hand in, and casually picked up the pen with the other hand to write mathematical formulas.
As if there was something out of his warm hand, channeled my heart now.
I said nothing. I chuckled with my head down and spat the tiny spines carefully on the dinner paper.
Girls subconsciously eat less in front of guys they like, and I'm no exception.
I ate only two bites of fish and a tiny tuna rice ball with seaweed throughout the meal.
Ren Jun Ran was right. It rained that night. It was a thin drizzle at the beginning, which looked very small but could wet my clothes.
Ren Jun Ran walked in front of me, suddenly turned around and looked at me with a frown. The little fat man smiled and asked: "Why don't you go?"
It was 1.5 kilometers away from the hotel, and the heat brought out from the Japanese material store was drizzled by the rain. The street lamps on the roadside were very dim. I took a look at Ren Gunran by the light, and found that he was unexpectedly good-looking.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, beauty is in the light of the night, and I have both illusions.
Ren then took a couple of steps back, walking side by side with me, consciously or unconsciously against the wind blowing from the side. After walking for a while, he suddenly tapped my exposed shoulder and whispered, "Are you cold?"
"A little." In addition to a little cold, in fact, there is a little bit of unspeakable head of tension and expectation. The mix is like what Mr. Qian calls red wine with plain water -- a mild thrill.
At that moment, I finally had to admit that he really could write.
Ren Junran put his hand down, reached out and took off his jacket, neatly draped it over my shoulder. There was a refreshing smell of soap on the jacket, just like his wet eyes.
He wore only a short gray sleeve under his jacket, and his bare arms were white. I walked with him, wrapped in my clothes and trying to look natural, discussing with him when the army coat would come in handy.
Walking, the little fat man suddenly turned his head and roared: "Run! It's raining hard!"
When the rain came, it came crashing down on my head, and my jacket was finally raised over my head by Ren Gunran as an umbrella. The three of us ran through the rain, but we could not escape the fate of drowning in the rain.
Back to the hotel room, the little fat man breathlessly accused: "Ren Jun Ran you really shameless, clothes are you pull away."
Ren Junran leaned against the wall and smiled insoucently, his short sleeves darkened by the rain, clinging to his body and vibrating with laughter. When he smiled, his eyes and eyebrows were wrinkled together, and he had the innocence and playfulness of a child.
Okay, maybe innocent and playful wasn't, but maybe it was because I liked him at the time, so I felt that way.
At 11 p.m., the three men sit on a couch in the hotel lobby, playing cards slowly and patiently waiting for the rain to stop.
Ren Jun Ran looked at cards with his head down carelessly. Punishment game is the most vulgar and classic Truth or Dare. I chose Truth.
He suddenly sat up straight and looked at me with raised eyebrows, looking a little serious. "The truth? Do you have a boyfriend now?"
The fat boy gave a significant "oh".
"Nor did Ren County." The little fat man then added with a smile.
Ren Gunran threw the cards in his hand and laughed: "Nonsense! Of course I don't have a boyfriend."
I can't remember the details of climbing Mount Tai at night. The night has such a feature, because it is dark enough to blur out many details, and it is easy to create illusion.
Because I could not see the road ahead, the steps appeared to be particularly many, Ren and I shared a flashlight, a small beam of light shone on the foot of the road, not far away was a piece of light, is the hillside grandma temple.
"I hear this old lady is very good at making wishes." However, Ren Jun was carrying a pail of farmer spring, carrying the dry food of our party in the backpack on his back, but he was still at ease.
"What are you going to wish for? I don't believe in God and Buddha, but from a distance, the two trees in front of the temple are covered with red silk ribbons, which are the wishes of tourists, lining the temple is mysterious and solemn.
"I don't know. Keep safe." "He said vaguely.
When he hung the ribbon, three red ribbons were tied together. He wrote on them: "I hope the girl who accompanies me to climb the mountain can live a safe life and everything will win."
Then we went up again, and when the two buckets of Farmer Spring came to the bottom, we finally had a chance to put on our military overcoat. The hot sweat from climbing the mountain was swept away by the wind at three in the morning, like an invisible knife running through the viscera.
There are middle-aged merchants carrying bottles of Erguotou, a lot of people sitting on the cold stone, from time to time stuffy a few mouth.
The sunrise on Mount Tai begins at 5:30 a.m., so if you're at a higher altitude, you can see the sunrise earlier, and if you're lucky, maybe even see a sea of clouds rising from the rain and fog on the mountain.
Cell phone reception is weak so high up in the mountains, and all around the lighted area are small shops that have defied the natural conditions, hotels that don't offer hot water at sky-high prices, and three strings of Buddhist beads that cost 10 yuan and are said to have been "lit."
We did not buy anything, wrapped in military overcoats and found leeward stones to sit quietly, waiting for the sunrise.
Ren Jun Ran gently leaned against me, in the dark as if there were a lot of emotions in fermentation, as if there was nothing, I nervously motionless, and think he may just be tired of crawling.
I still remember that the sunrise was beautiful, and no footage can truly capture the shock of dawn.
After four hours of climbing awkwardly and seeing a magnificent sunrise in exhaustion, the joy of travel may be derived from this moment of pain.
With his camera in hand, he began to record from the first rays of sunset to the rising sun. The heavy rain of the previous night brought a surprise, and the mist from the mountains rose up into a magnificent sea of clouds.
It is a very moving scene, the young boy wrapped in a military coat facing the sunrise, the whole person is like the sunrise, the orange sunshine will be his pupils into light color, let a person can not move eyes.
Only later did I understand that people can not move eyes is actually just behind him the sunrise. And he and I are the most common of all creatures in the sun.
Ren and I, however, did not have any deserved further development. After the mountain, we parted in a hurry. He had to catch the morning high-speed train, and all three of us were very sleepy.
The little fat man said listlessly: "Did not think I was conquered by Mount Tai." Ren Gunran patted him on the shoulder, his face is heavy tired, leaving the sunrise to his appearance after the horizontal addition, he seems to have become the most ordinary boy.
An old friend I had known for five years, too familiar to be attractive.
After that, I became more in touch with Ren Gunran than ever before, and I took a brief trip to his city, where he took me around a long, overly busy shopping street, upstairs and downstairs in endless circles, and I was suddenly tired holding a giant brown bear.
Ice cream, action figures, hot eggs, cocoa and milk tea, and clay pot rice. I have experienced everything in a girlfriend's bed, but it seems to be nothing more than this.
On the night of leaving, Ren bought a big box of fruit platter, let me take on the train to eat, parting eve, how suitable for a good time to express, we did not speak to each other.
He waved at me as he entered the station, holding the big brown bear in his arms. The berth was so small that he had to leave it to Ren Gunran.
I got in the car, called him to say I was okay, and sat down to unpack the fruit platter he had bought for me. At the top of the platter was a layer of red dragon fruit, finely cut into small pieces with a very attractive color.
He doesn't know that the fruit I hate most is the red pitaya, the red flesh of which is packed with dense seeds, and I have trypophobia.
Later, on the Chinese Valentine's Day in 2019, his moments of friends were updated with two pictures of him and a strange girl, who was very beautiful and smiling gently in the beauty filter.
Ren Jun Ran is also smiling, the filter has worn away his original skin color, the whole person is a bit distorted because of too white, I haven't seen him for a year, he has gained some weight, fortunately, he is not fat to the point of greasy, I gave my heartfelt blessing in the comment section.
One of my favorite writers once said in an interview, "Love itself is a joy."
Life cannot be without this joy. But at the same time, love is also an illusion, this illusion is very precious, often fleeting.
She was right.
At the beginning of the year, I finally changed to a new mobile phone. When I was cleaning the memory, I aimlessly turned to the old photo from a long time ago. In the photo, the boy under the warm color light has a young face.
There was also a red ribbon close together, and Japanese oiled paper umbrellas that were cluttered together. The waves came and went, and everything was blank again.
Love is really just an illusion, what's more, I can't even confirm that it is not love at all -- it may not even have the qualification of illusion.
After much hesitation over the photos that afternoon, I finally gave them a place in the memory corner of my new phone.
The epidemic delayed the wedding of Ren Junran and the beautiful strange girl. The latest post on his moments showed two faces with masks leaning closely together.
And some things are like those old photos on your phone. You may never get a chance to open them again in your lifetime, but you can never deny that they were there. Even if it's an illusion.
Teacher Feng Jicai wrote in London Life: "The best fake flowers look like real flowers, and the best real flowers look like fake flowers." Sometimes love will come in a mysterious veil like ping, swaying and wavering. "I do not hesitate to roll the curtain for fear that your eyes are not clear." "At that time caocao west window, all into leave after thinking"; Life is really bitter "love and not" is normal, "as fragmentary" is inevitable, "one don't two wide each happy" is not the best outcome, let the good memories always stay in the heart of the "private garden" it!