Losing Cell Phones and other things...

I’ve lost many cell phones, some literally and some figuratively. When my first flip phone with "affordable" service from Cricket Wireless was temporarily lost, it led to many accusations thrown towards my 5th grade classmates. Only to be found in the depths of my bookbag just a few weeks later. Not too long afterwards though, it was lost forever.

That $200 I lost that one summer was a colossal tragedy. At the moment at least. I nearly lost my sanity trying to find it, now it’s something I hardly think about.

The never fully sworn “promise” that I wouldn’t smoke marijuana was lost about half a semester into going away to college. For twenty years and four months it seemed like I would be correct. I was never devoid of offers. In high school it seemed like the main goal of many of my friends was getting me to smoke more than it was to graduate. I could use some of their grades as evidence. When I commuted to community college the stress of leaving home at about 8AM and returning around 11PM most nights because of my extracurricular activities never caused me to consider smoking. But somehow about half a semester after finally leaving home something changed. I couldn't put my finger on what exactly happened, maybe the answer is lost. Maybe it’s buried.

The second phone I lost was more figurative. Dropped into the toilet. It was a piece of shit so I guess that it was fitting. Though it did lead to the loss of other things. Like many phone numbers. Some recovered, some sought but never recollected, some happily discarded with Galaxy phone and liquid waste that led me to the bathroom. The notes were probably the most prized possession lost with the phone. Many story ideas, stand-up jokes, song lyrics, poems and miscellaneous information digitally written down all just gone. I like to look back and think that maybe it was for the better. Maybe the loss push me to create more by taking away work I used as a crutch. Or maybe I just dropped my phone like an idiot and a side effect was the lost of good work I was too dumb to ensure had multiple copies.

My copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince has probably been missing for a while, but was only recently discovered as lost. My favorite in the series and the only one I owned. A heavy loss for sure, but thanks to local libraries an easy one to fill. At least partially. Nothing can replace waking up on a random Saturday and re-reading one of your favorite chapters on a whim.

Ignorance is probably the most important thing that I’ve ever lost. A loss that comes with a burden, but a great loss nonetheless. The burden to think and rethink words and actions before I enact them. Before the loss, it was easier to talk. Certain words I grew up on slid off the tongue as easy as rain slides off a crooked building. Words that I was once too young to truly know the weight of, but at some point I was just too stubborn to change. There was never hatred behind the words. At least not hatred towards the groups the words were designed to oppress and belittle...directly. But as I grew and started questioning many things about my life to and it seemed more clear that it was belittling, even if indirectly. Calling a heterosexual male, friend or not, a word I dare not repeat again is surely demeaning. Knowing it or not, I was calling a lifestyle I had no qualms with wrong. I spit it as an insult with no second thought of how it could affect someone else. At times I wish I could lose that part of my life history, but I think it serves as a reminder to not continue that behavior and to mature.

The last cell phone I lost was due to a technicality. My cell phone carrier no longer supported the phone I had.