Letter to myself

Letter to myself

There are days that I wake up and I'm mad that I exist,

If I could be the voice of reason,

For when I was younger,

It would have been better,

You needed so much more guidance,

About who you were and what great things you accomplished,

That it was all okay,

Even if it wasn't,

That those kids who picked on you,

Had no idea what was going on at home,

The pressure that you went through,

You are more than your upbringing,

You are more than your parents decisions and disappointments,

You have so much more potential then you give yourself credit for.

Chorus

I wish I could give you what we know now,

To stop the pain that was inflicted,

The trauma and resentment that you're feeling,

Makes you who you are,

No,

You shouldn't have gone through what you did,

But it helps you make a difference,

I wish that I could tell you that this is the life you wanted,

That's not how it is,

You needed something different.

You know how you hated addicts,

How you didn't understand how they did it,

How they could turn their back on the ones they love,

That you'll never be like your mother,

Hate to tell you now,

You've become the very thing that you've feared,

Addicts are people too,

They just handle emotions in a negative and toxic way,

They have the same trials and the same thoughts as you,

We have the chance to overcome and succeed.

Chorus

I wish I could give you what we know now,

To stop the pain that was inflicted,

The trauma and resentment that you're feeling,

Makes you who you are,

No,

You shouldn't have gone through what you did,

But it helps you make a difference,

I wish that I could tell you that this is the life you wanted,

That's not how it is,

You needed something different.

You shouldn't have tried all those years of self harm,

Don't be so hard on yourself,

Your weight does not define your beauty,

Starving yourself doesn't keep you skinny forever,

You aren't disgusting if your ideal number isn't on the scale,

What's on the inside and how you treat others is what makes you pretty,

The blade you slice across your skin is how you thought you could control the hectic and unpredictable environment you were in,

It doesn't matter about control if you're gone,

You make a difference if your life is over,

You've almost made successful attempts at ending your life,

And the problems were still,

You'll still struggle even today,

There is so much in this world to offer,

You are worthy of basic love and kindness.

Chorus

I wish I could give you what we know now,

To stop the pain that was inflicted,

The trauma and resentment that you're feeling,

Makes you who you are,

No,

You shouldn't have gone through what you did,

But it helps you make a difference,

I wish that I could tell you that this is the life you wanted,

That's not how it is,

You needed something different.

Remember how you had your eyes set on Paris,

Abroad studies to intern and do what you love,

You should have concentrated on academics.

instead of fulfilling a void that you don't have,

with drugs of all kinds and sex with boys who only saw you for one thing,

You find out you're already in your second trimester a week later,

It seems like the whole world is ending,

It's just the beginning,

Her name's Joella and she is now nine.

Chorus

I wish I could give you what we know now,

To stop the pain that was inflicted,

The trauma and resentment that you're feeling,

Makes you who you are,

No,

You shouldn't have gone through what you did,

But it helps you make a difference,

I wish that I could tell you that this is the life you wanted,

That's not how it is,

You needed something different.

I know this is going to take time to process, some days are worse than not. Just know, I'm always here.