Know When to Fold Em

My eyes stared in disbelief, watching the number get more prominent until it totaled $5,525.00. I might swallow my tongue, though my eyes would not stop staring, and the gigantic swell in my chest was growing by the moment. I won!

I stared at the amount on my computer screen and clicked on redeem. I redeemed it all except for $100.00. I had to win more; I was on a roll! I kept spinning the reels, betting five dollars a spin, a large amount for me, until finally, I won another $500.00! I was unstoppable!

I felt rich, $6,300.00 in total, and I placed $4,500.00 in savings and the rest in my checking account. I sent my sister $700.00; I was spreading my wealth. My checking account was getting low by now, so I transferred $500.00 out of savings into checking. I bought the groceries for $356.00 and went to Pet Smart to purchase a new harness and leash for my dog; another $86.00

The next day I went to Target, did some shopping for the house, and transferred another $600.00 from savings to ensure I covered my purchases. Again, I went to the grocery store. That night, I transferred another $200.00 to my checking account and started gambling online. I wasn't winning, and I kept pulling $20.00 out of my checking account every time I ran out of money. If a slot machine eats $20.00 in less than five minutes, it's probably not going to pay no matter how much money you feed it. I sat up most of the night spinning reels, and probably spent around $300.00.

Several days passed, and each day I continued to spend a few hundred dollars. I kept transferring money from my savings account to cover my losses. I sent my sister more money so she and he husband could go to the casino. I was the big winner, and I was acting like I was wealthy.

My account was at $2,000.00 in savings, so I kept telling myself as long as I had $1,000.00 in savings I was okay. I have $400.00 as of this morning, and $300.00 by days end.

It's an addiction to winning, the rush, the feeling that the big win is coming up in the next spin. I was exhilarated the entire time I was spinning reels, and it is all I wanted to do. When I wasn't on my computer gambling, I was tired, and I had no interest in the things I used to like to do. Daily errands, like going to the store, were put off, and often the dishes weren't done, even though I had a dishwasher, and I stopped cooking dinner.

You have to hit the very bottom before you learn. I was in the grocery store one day and as I checked out I realized I didn't have enough money in my checking account to cover the food. I stepped aside and pulled my phone out, $17.43 left in checking, so I would pull a few hundred out of savings, but there was only $40.00 left. I had a total of $57.43 to my name and I started to cry. I left the basket of food, got in my car and went home with a horrible hollow, angry, guilty feeling brewing inside my chest. I was flushed and sweating; I had blown the majority of my winnings on continuing to gamble. Getting one big win in life is wonderful, especially when there isn't a lot of money coming in every month. I could have used that money to fix my car, replace my clothes, stock up on food, or a thousand other things, but no, I had to get greedy.

And, as bad as I felt, all I wanted to do was get back on the computer and do it again.