In and Out

There are five of us in the living room. Mother, Pop, Jordan, the dog, and myself. Mother falls right asleep leaving the rest of us to our own worlds. My brother rocks back forth watching heavy metal music covers, my father escapes reality by putting on his soundproof wireless headphones watching God knows what. The half-blind dog sits there looking at me and everyone else and then back at me expecting me to do something, or waiting for me to get it food. But I sit there on my recliner; alone, tired, and filled with exhaustion. Not the type of exhaustion where you had a full day of work and just feel like spreading your arms and legs, but the mental type. The type where you feel like you just need to die. Yeah, Die.

“In and Out” “In and out,” my mind says. “In and out” “In and Out”. My eyes grow red and tears begin to flood my eyes. I feel paralyzed in my own body as if my body is undergoing sleep paralysis. My body shakes like an engine about to burst. “In and out,” My mind says Again “In and Out” “SHUT UP!” I yell. My mother jolts up from her sleep, as my brother turns to me with an annoyed look on his face, My father is still clueless to the world with those headphones on. “What’s wrong with you?” My mother asks. A question I still ask myself, a question that still longs for an answer. The dog looks at me and tilts its head. “What is wrong with you?” My mind says again. My tear leaves its prison, rushing down my cheek. I wipe it quickly and escape to the bedroom, the dog follows behind me, staying close and constantly sniffing its direction. I lay on my bed arms wide open, as the dog sits beside the bed observing me. “In and Out, IN AND OUT!” My mind screams at me. “Alexa, play songs by George Winston,” I yell. The machine obeys and plays the music by the one physical person who hasn’t let me down, in hopes to dull the noise raging in my head. The piano music serenades the dog and me. The dog rests its head on the floor. As my eyes steadily begin to close as I lose touch with the outside world. “Shhhh yeah there you go,” a voice says close to my ear. My eyes open abruptly, to see a tall bearded man with red eyes grabbing my throat, squeezing me until I can’t breathe, my clothes vanish from my body. I feel paralyzed again. My heart races beating faster and faster. “W-what a-are you d-doing?” I stutter. As my heart beats uncontrollably. I look to my right and see that it’s 2:22 pm above that I look to the window and see a Stampede of raging Bulls passing my window running towards a bright,dying light. Some fall, but some head stead fast to the light. The bearded man comes close to me. Staring at me with the eyes of Satan himself. He whispers... “In and out, In and out.”

“AHHH” I jolt up from my sleep, hands shaking, tears falling like a storm, the bed is wet from my sweat. I look around for the bearded man. “It's only a dream Joshua,” I say to myself. “He can’t hurt me anymore,I can’t be hurt anymore,” I say to reassure myself. The dog senses my discomfort and licks my foot. I force a smile,"Good dog”. I look at the time. “2:25 am” I shake my head, trembling. George Winston is still playing through the machine. Every time I hear him play the piano I sometimes dream that I live in the middle of nowhere with a couple of dogs and a ranch on a farm in Montana. I don’t even like farming or early mornings, It just sounds calm. But I feel as if I will fall short of that dream and watch that light die in front of me, and I will forever hear the voice, that dreadful voice say. “In and out, In and out”.