I Wrote about Toxic relationships in my Stories as a preteen and Teenager.

I remember as a kid I wrote so many story ideas. I was inspired by the incredible and magnificent Hayao Miyazaki after "Month of Miyazaki" which showed masterpieces like Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky, and Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. You would think a man who wrote these gems, I would know better than to write about girls being OK with overprotective boyfriends who kill when even the slightest person looks at them wrong, but I was 12-14, I didn't know any better. I did fall in love with Twilight when It came out in 2008 and was just as obsessed with it as everybody else was.

The story I remember most writings were about a young girl about 15 or 16 years old, her name was Eryn Rose. She was the destined lover of a Demon Prince named Asmodeus, yes being named after the Demon of lust was on purpose. The story was set in modern times but had a gothic theme about it. Thinking about this now I'm embarrassed to even write about it. The guy was so overprotective that he had his servants stay with her 24/7, and the girl actually thought it was romantic and sweet. When Twilight came out, it affected the way I wrote my stories even more and I couldn’t see that I was actually glorifying an abusive relationship. It got to the point where I made the guy want the girl to become completely dependant on him. This continued until I was 15 and I basically stopped writing until my early to mid-20s. As a 28-year-old adult, I feel ashamed that my teenage self didn’t know what a happy healthy relationship was at the time and that I actually wanted an Edward Cullen when I got older. Someone who was dangerously overprotective, a stalker, watches you sleep. I’m cringing just thinking about it.

I don’t know where the story went, it’s lost forever in a very old desktop computer that I no longer have. I don’t write about romance anymore, mostly just YA and Coming of Age. I’ve learned my lesson and I consider myself to be better at writing about relationships and steer clear of the ones with red flags, Edward/Bella, Hardin/Tessa. I don’t know what it is about “Bad Boys” and “Gentle Girls” in YA but it’s not healthy unless you make it healthy. You don’t have to make the “Bad Boy” have temper tantrums and a million problems like an alcoholic mother who chooses her many boyfriends over her kids or the “Gentle Girl” who tries to change the boy because she sees good in him. That in itself is a red flag. If he’s violent, he can’t change, leave him. If he stalks you because he’s worried about you, that’s weird, not romantic, leave him. If he god forbid breaks into your room to watch you sleep, that creepy, call the police and leave him.

I’m glad to have gotten better at writing and hopefully will continue to grow. Hayao Miyazaki does it best and is the reason I became a writer. The way he writes about romantic relationships is superb. Howl’s Moving Castle- Sophie doesn’t try to change Howl, Howl changed himself while becoming a much better and selfless person. Princess Mononoke- While it has nothing to do with him, Prince Ashitaka wants to help San in the war against the Humans and Gods, and the two eventually come to care about each other. Some people may be upset that they parted ways in the end but that’s realistic. San doesn’t give up who she is for Ashitaka and I loved that about her. Just be smarter when writing about relationships in stories. Know the difference between I Love You and I Want to Control You. Healthy relationships are about give and take, about support. You both have to be compassionate and sympathetic, not wanting the whole world to burn leaving only the two of you left, no, BIG RED FLAG. I hope I never see that story again, but unfortunately, it’s in my brain and I think about it every time I see anything Twilight-related.