I wasn’t always an overachiever

I was at work one day and a coworker complimented me, “you’re such an overachiever” , and I stood there for a moment, thinking, “if only. you knew”.

Let’s go back to 2014, when it all started.

During my sophomore year in university, I landed an internship/placement with a pharmaceutical company as a biostatistician. When I relocated from Sheffield to Leeds, I continued to go to church in Sheffield three or four times a week.

My first day at work in an office, away from the physically taxing warehouse jobs I had previously held, was a joyful occasion for me.

Our first week as newly minted university students was dedicated to learning SAS. I’d used SAS in university, but it was mostly for copying and pasting. When I was in training, I was confident that I had grasped the concepts, but as soon as I started working full-time, I realised that I had not. There are many reasons why, but these are just a few:

To put it mildly, the trip to and from Sheffield was taking its toll on me.

Programming was not for me.

When I arrived at the company, I had no idea what proper etiquette was.

I found the work repetitious.

I had to travel back and forth, I didn’t have the focus or time to meet new people.

The irony was that I was doing well and thought so until one day when a group with which I was working decided to give me no work. So when I arrived at a meeting for an update, my name was blank. That’s when I realised something wasn’t right. It was the most awkward meeting, and I’m sure they were surprised that I showed there.

Later, I was informed by my supervisor that the quality of my work fell short of expectations.

I was at my lowest ebb. I was thinking about so many things. There are no other black people on the team. Is it true that I enjoy statistics? You can imagine how I would have ended up returning home and concluding that programming isn’t for me but, I had rent to pay.

As a confidence-building exercise for the following two months, my supervisor decided that I would be given minor statistical projects using SAS. These were enjoyable for me. I also re-examined my training materials and discovered that I had missed out on some crucial information.

Filling the time I had with training was my only goal.

Later, as I was writing code for another project, it suddenly dawned on me, the penny dropped, the moment had arrived, I knew exactly what was going on. Until that day, I had been copying and pasting. I had also realised that it was too late.

To everyone I was the “crap programmer”. That’s what people thought of me. I could feel it in my bones. I felt humiliated. ‘Will they ever hire a black person?, I have fouled it up for all of us now,’ I couldn’t stop thinking.

To complete my mathematics degree, I returned to school. SAS was used to complete my dissertation in survival analysis. I now had the confidence that I was a skilled at SAS.

My confidence hit rock bottom on my placement, yet I don’t regret it. I’m glad that happened during my internship. At least I had an idea of what I didn’t want to do.

After graduating from university, I decided to pursue a career in technology, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Seeing my drive now, many assume it has always been that way. It needed a horrible experience for me to aspire to the pinnacle of my profession’s performance. Since then, I’ve learned to never settle for second best; everything my team and I do has to be exceptional.

Every day I program feels like I didn’t know much the day before. As they say in all things give thanks and keep in mind that I wasn’t always a overachiever.