I Miss Running OR How Did I turn 40?

*I had almost forgot about this song from around 2004 I reckon. A young New Zealand group.

Remember that feeling as a kid of running your brains out!?

Were we really going that fast? It sure felt like we were.

And you could actually change gears ⚙️

and really take your body for a spin! -

With just a little extra oomph!

Yet now,

I’m de-tached from the outside world,

And from myself..

I miss my mid 20s - running into the ocean with full abandon,

Hanging upside down on rides at the Royal Show,

Wearing my watch everyday and taking my sweets with me

EVERYWHERE! 🍭 🍫 🍬

And often to share.. you never know who might want some too.

How has so much time passed? Why can’t it ever be the same? 🕰

I miss not being ‘woke’ to myself and my deficiencies and

The harsh realities of the world around me! 🌍

Cotton wool has its appeals! 😅

..Taking my backpack everywhere (wait I STILL do this!) 😆

Always running from Adelaide Uni to the train station or vice versa,

Always rushing like a crazy person,

“Run Forrest Run!” passerbys would frequently shout,

And I just kept on running! 🏃‍♂️

Maybe I’m actually a little intellectually handicapped - how would I know?

But I didn’t care too much about what others thought then,

I was incapable of pretence.

Always running to work (Maccas) I once even had a jay walking fine

Right before my shift, (who gets a fine for jay walking?!)

The shift manager encouraged everyone to put in a dollar 💵

so that going to work,

Would not be so counterproductive for me (I only got a few bucks)

But it was the thought behind it. ☺️

I’m having all these flashbacks of running now?

Once I got a small award for “straighter running” 🥉in year 6 because I’d

I’d always run in a bizarre zigzagging fashion

for our morning fitness relays,

Truth is I was covering more ground than everyone else,

the team should have been proud 😂

but they just laughed. I’ve always gone above and beyond! 😉

I also got locked in a shopping centre fire escape in Switzerland 🇨🇭

Lots of running and it was dark!

How did I get myself into these situations?

Then when our family was to go to Germany 🇩🇪

I’d almost missed the train,

I’d gone to Maccas by myself at 15 which was actually further away

than I thought. 🍔

It was a huge train station (like an airport) but I really and

I mean really wanted a cherry pie! 🍒 🥧

Running back took far longer than anticipated,

Parents were freaking out! I got really upset. I hate disappointing people.

They had to hold the whole passenger train to Germany for me, 🚊

because my parents were waiting on me and hoped I wasn’t kidnapped.

Always running out of time. Our family-rushing-gene is genetic! 🧬

Now, so much time, I drown in it like poison.

I don’t run anymore. I probably should.

I miss planning parties, gang reunions and late nights in town.

I miss games’ nights with friends and short go-aways together.

I don’t have much fun anymore. Do you? Does it ever come back?

Maybe if you have kids..

I don’t. Filthy little “maggots!” 😉 (a Matilda reference).

Somehow I forgot how to, ya know cut loose & have fun).

Although there’s probably been reasons for that..

I’m getting better at it though, I think,

Sometimes my extraverted side comes out with certain people,

Depending on what mood I’m in.

How did I turn 40 last month?

Now I am officially like some gigantic man-child.

Mostly though, I miss living and the full experience of life,

The rhythms, the pace, the joy, the fulfilment, the enthusiasm & laughter.

There’s too many hard truths and lessons in later life,

That I’m not sure you can ever fully return from..

too many barriers in the way..

You’re not (quite) the same person, you’re much older,

Your relationships are not the same and nor is the world itself -

But maybe if I went running sometime..

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*This feels like a bit of an addendum to this piece below (a free verse poem) that I wrote a little while back. It’s a little darker, but you can read it here.