I’m Having a Quarter-Life Crisis at 23

Yes at 23 I’ve been stressing about where I’m not in life. You know it seems crazy to think that I would feel behind in life but we live in a culture where we have a skewed perception. It took me a while to realize this but I didn’t understand that I was supposed to take social media with a grain of salt. I thought that I had to be the opposite of who I am in order to be whole and complete; I had been isolated my whole life and was awkward as can be. Seeing posts of people living their lives while I stayed in my room took a toll on me. I felt that I was missing out, as much as I tried my hardest to get out of my bubble it didn’t work, I was always behind everyone else.

Comparing Myself To Others

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”- Iyanla Vanzant

As young as I can remember I’ve always been comparing myself to my peers, I had this anxiety of living life the wrong way. I wasn’t the most social person and always felt that I was missing out on something more. It didn’t matter if I was out at a party that I felt that I had to be at, I always felt that I was alone. The fear of missing out made me take the focus out of my life onto someone else’s. It seemed that everyone was in a happy relationship, thriving in their career, and just had this magical happiness. I didn’t even care for most of those things! I was okay living my life, I was in no rush to pursue a relationship, I still wanted to explore my passions, and sure I didn’t have that magical happiness but I was at peace. I had goals but I just wasn’t at the finish line and focusing on the finish line took away from loving the process.

Pressure to keep going

“I put a lot of pressure on myself. I think something’s not good enough, and I won’t stop until I feel like I’ve made it. I’m never satisfied.”- J. Cole

During college, my friends would hit me up with messages all the time to go to parties, at first I loved it. I was meeting new people and making connections, however, my social battery was the first one to go. After a while being at those parties wasn’t as great as I thought it was, “I’d rather be home.” I thought. Then the next day I would feel bad for not staying at the party long enough after seeing the party on someone's story. The grass really seems greener on the side. After a couple of years, I was burnt out from school, friends, and I was still dealing with depression. I isolated myself from everyone, I was completely numb and barely felt like living. Unfortunately, life doesn’t wait for you. While I took my hiatus and recovered, everyone had moved on to other things. I still had a life to live and it wasn’t going to stop because I wasn’t ready. I just want to make it clear that I don’t regret taking the time to recover, my mental health is the most important thing. It was important to keep going and taking my time. However, there are thoughts from time to time if I should have focused on getting ahead in other things but at the time it was in my best interest to take a breather.

Not Living in the present moment

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” — John Lennon

It seems that life is supposed to be exciting all the time, and if it’s not, you aren’t doing it right. I thought life would start when I finally was able to hit those milestones but life is happening right now. Life is made up of little moments, we don’t notice them because they don’t seem so exciting most of the time. Exciting or not it’s still life. The problem with the mind is it’s trying to skip to the end when everything finally “works out”, there is always going to be a challenge in our lives because there isn’t a “happy ending”. Waiting for a “happy ending” caused me to miss out on my life due to being so attached to an idea of how my life should be instead of appreciating it for what it is. I forgot to live in the moment and let the spontaneity unravel. Life is beautiful as it is and sometimes being so consumed by “potential” takes away from the beauty.

Living In a Place of Fear

“Have no fear of perfection — you’ll never reach it”.- Salvador Dali

When you have a crisis it’s because you’re afraid of regret. My crisis is because I fear what people would think of me, I fear telling people what I’ve been up to since they last saw me, I fear that I’ll be living in my parents' house my whole life, I fear that I’ve been missing out on something that could have potentially changed my life, I fear that I have been wasting my time. Even though I’m 23 and I have my whole life ahead of me, I feel overwhelmed by failures that are ahead, and what I’m afraid of most is not getting back up when I hit those failures. Failure is scary, it's going to happen, and it crushes you when you have a huge expectation for a certain outcome and it only blows up in your face. Fear was coming from the overthinking my mind was doing because, in reality, no one was looking for me to make fun of me, I had no intentions to meet up with my old classmates, my mind was just playing the same game it always does and I decided to identify with it.

Stuck in My Childhood

“The thought comes so suddenly and so unbidden I know it’s true. Everyone’s kept moving forward, following their path, changing with the times. They’ve grown up and I’m still the angry young man playing with dead things. I’ve just gotten better at it is all.”

― Stephen Blackmoore, Dead Things

I’m living to please others, my mind is still relishing in anger, hurt, and frustration over insecurities I still have. Subconsciously I’m still trying to prove myself to people from my childhood that I am good enough and that I haven’t been wasting my life. I hadn’t realized that I was still holding onto these insecurities, they hurt and I thought that they would go away, but I just shoved those thoughts away because it wouldn’t matter because I would end up proving myself to be good enough. I just wasn’t proving it to myself, I was trying to prove it to people who weren’t even here anymore.

Why Am I Even In a Crisis

Well, I was living fine and dandy until I decided it was okay to take social media seriously. Even though you know social media is edited you still forget. My thoughts just seemed to take over, “I’m not where this person is” “ Am I doing something wrong?” It starts off subtle you don’t think much of it until those thoughts keep creeping in. At that point, it’s not the easiest thing to do to just ignore them. Reminding myself to take a break from the internet and focus on being mindful. I’ve never been one to schedule meditations, given the amount of stress consuming me it looks like I’m going to have to find the time. It’s going to take reminding myself that my only job in life is to be as authentic as I can be. There is no such thing as that magic happy place, and if it does exist it doesn’t last. The only place that exists is here right now, and it’s time I indulge in that.