I'll give you $50 if you tell my mom I'm unemployed

It seems my family has a long history of keeping secrets from its matriarchs. Some of it’s because we don’t want them to worry, sometimes it’s more about self-preservation.

In the early 1970s one of my uncles was arrested and locked up in a Middle Eastern country. When the people from the embassy came to see him, his only request was “Don’t tell my mother”.

Back when I used to smoke, I went to great lengths to hide my smoking from Mom. Before going to see her, I’d go through the complicated ritual of brushing my teeth, washing my hands and face extensively, and then applying copious amounts of deodorant and aftershave to cover any further smell of tobacco.

Now I’m certainly not languishing in an Iranian prison after the authorities discovered some wacky weed in my luggage, nor have I taken up smoking again. In fact, I haven’t done anything illegal, or anything bad for my health (this time). That has not stopped me from keeping from my mom that I don’t currently have a job and have been without a job for a bit over two months.

You may have read my previous article on my resignation:

Although at the time of writing this story, only five people have, so that's probably a long shot.

To recap, I was unhappy with my job, and it began affecting my mental and physical health and devastated my confidence. So, I happily gave my boss my resignation on the 23rd of September last year. My contract required three months’ notice and I thought that would be plenty of time to land a new job. I mean I’ve got a great CV with loads of experience, and obviously, I’m a great communicator.

I had made my mind up that I wouldn’t tell my Mom because she’d be nagging about things like “What if you don’t get another job?” or “Maybe just give it another year”.

Then one day, about a month after I’d resigned, I rang Mom. While we were chatting, she got a bit upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “Your sister hasn't been dealing with your dad’s death, so the other day she went into her boss's office and resigned. She doesn’t even have another job to go to.”

Naturally, the only response I could muster was to say, “Geez, who would do something so stupid?”

My sister has always been viewed as the sensible smart one of the family, with me considered the less smart, less reliable sibling. Whereas Mom was expressing concern for my sister I anticipated it would not be as caring a response for me. But also, if Mom didn’t lecture me, and was genuinely empathetic, I don’t want her worrying about me.

But then, to make me look worse, my sister got a new job within a month. Whereas I got through my three-month notice period and finished up without a job to go to. As of yesterday, it’s been two months since I stopped working.

It has been challenging keeping up the ruse though. Even though Mom doesn’t live in the same town, I’ve had to make sure that nothing sparks her curiosity (I credit my Mom’s snooping senses for why I became such an effective Detective).

This has meant doing subtle things like calling Mom in the late afternoon from the car like I have done previously on my drive home from work. I also monitor what my six-year-old daughter is saying when she’s on the phone with grandma, I don’t want a sudden “But Dad doesn’t have a job” slipping out. Not that my daughter has really picked up on the fact that I’m not going to the office every day, which I guess comes from the increase in my working from home since the start of the pandemic.

It's not like I keep Mom completely in the dark about things. She knew I was unhappy at work. She knows that I’m applying for jobs. She just doesn’t know that right now, technically, I don’t have a job. I’ve had some promising interviews of late and I’m hoping that I’ll post an update to this story (maybe do a quick edit) to say, “I found a job, and all is right with the world again”.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. This time off has been great for my mental and physical health. I’ve gotten back into exercise, done some study, and some more writing (but if I could get a lot more people reading my stuff I’d be worrying less about a job). So, when I do land my next job, I’ll be in the right frame of mind to deliver my best work. So, the only negative is keeping this teeny tiny secret from Mom.

If any of my readers know Mom, please don’t mention this story to her.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed it, please like, comment, or subscribe. If you are feeling super generous, this unemployed struggling author appreciates all tips as well.