Forever changed me
My story
I'm not writing my story to push Christianity its the most truthful most powerful part of My Life and I Hope it is allowed to be read , I know the world in itself have different views but to share this and tell you the life of Karen myself would be an intriguing beginning to my new journey in the world of writing ,this is the beginning to my never ending story , my truest love of all , we all have a miracle that has taken place in our lives , our saving grace , the one stepping stone that changes us and some grasp the same eye opener and the words amazing grace I was blind but now I see , when you open your heart and let your faith take over everything comes to light and in that very moment you recognize all the lessons from your cause and effect.your vision becomes clear to a whole new world . a world that you choose based on the decisions we each make in this world . we all have free will , it is how our life journey will play out , have you ever heard the saying go with that gut feeling or follow your heart well if your heart is filled with love always follow it and if your heart has love missing listen to your gut because those are signs through your conscience to help lead your path from destruction up ahead , well I was one of those who didn't pay attention and did what I wanted and the path I was on was a pattern of one disaster after another . here we are at the end of my disaster , praying for the better not wanting yet another let down but still ignoring and doing what I want , to get to where u need to be to understand my miracle we have to go back just a little in time, having 3 other siblings and there being 3 girls and 1 boy my brother being the baby well he was super spoiled. I was 18 and he was 15 when our mom passed away with cancer. The first major disaster in our lives . my brother chose being bad and doing bad and ended up in and out of prison through my journey, I knew he needed me to be there for him , he had already gave our family doubt he would change and be that better man. I was at a unit visiting with him when another inmate walked past us and yes attraction can be bad especially when you know that lifestyle isn't healthy , my brother called me later that evening and asked if I'd like to be a pen pal to his friend . red light but again here I am ignoring and I said sure . my brother wasn't bad as in mean he just made bad choices and chose to live wrong and having a past with being with "Monsters" mean men who mentally and physically baffled me I wasn't scared to trust. I wrote this man for 5 months and this was where things began to fall off , my brother made parole and came home and then this man I had been writing made parole , we lost contact and I moved on to yet another disastrous decision still in this pattern . a year later my brother landed himself yet again in prison and soon to follow my pen pal . who would even had suspected that ever happening . they weren't friends as in kept in touch on the outside so when they were from two different parts of Texas but yet ended up at the same unit once again I felt like OK maybe this is fate knocking at my door because the moment he seen my brother he asked about me and said I have missed her I messed up and I was at that time still in a relationship and ignored those words . its crazy when you become single you want to mingle and years later well I looked this man up and found he was one hour away in a unit so I sent him a letter and a week later I heard back from him , he added me to his visitation and that is where we need to be. We got married 5 months later in that unit and I did three solid years faithfully and dedicated to him ,every weekend visits , everyday phone calls and I was raised in faith of our Lord but when you are young and allow yourself to get lost in this big world that was me at certain points in my life as a mother I did go to church with my children but allowing everyday life to interfere well I back tracked and began missing church stopped praying the way I was until I watched the movie war room as if Jesus was speaking to me through that movie because he was preparing me for the future I had no idea about and I began praying again and church every Sunday where I had went with my kids through their teenage years . We were so in love or so I thought so I wanted this marriage to last forever . he made parole and went to program and came home 6 months later , December 23 2019. Not even a month in of him being home here I was yet in another situation that I put myself in. As months passed I seen a difference and badness began happening things I prefer not to say but I allowed myself in a world I didn't want to be a part of and as I prayed I found myself in church with my best friend from high school , as if I was led to this church for a purpose. the following Sunday I was suppose to go to a church where the pastor I had taken my kids to but he messaged me and said due to nine members getting covid the church is closing for two weeks and I felt it in my heart to go to church with my best friend again , the evangelist that was there that day to give his word said I am here for the seeker he is ready to seek out those who have been close to speaking in holy Spirit and he already knows who you are so if you will please come to the front and it was as if this gift was meant right then at this particular moment and I was the first one to speak in a different language , not like Spanish or Hebrew but a unique way and after that moment I felt different I felt blessed and the pastor asked me if I'd like to be baptized and yes without a doubt I was reborn again in Christ . from that moment on my life has been safe , Jesus is my safe place , he came when I needed him and he saved me from the place I was at .Four days after my receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit my home was empty from the darkness and light filled every room . Peace be still . my divorce became finalized and the home was signed over to me free will of the man I thought was my forever . my life is forever changed no more will I fall into the pattern I once was I am now forever in the arms of the one who loves me the most . Not everyone will believe nor will their faith be as strong as mine but if you have hope for a better day have faith in the positive way of living push all the negative away. like I said in the beginning I'm not writing to push Christianity I'm sharing my life experience that forever changed me.
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The joke on us
The joke was on us and at the time we didn't realize it growing up in what the world calls the boondocks ,out in the country where there's miles and miles and miles of nothing but trees surrounding you and few neighbors to call upon and being so deep in the woods that at night the trees had their own character come to life or at that time being kids with wild imaginations put that thought in our minds. As I recollect these memories living down in the boondocks had it's good moments and it's scary moments . Having 3 plus myself siblings in our home my parents found ways to keep smiles and happy times in our childhood . having two older sisters and a baby brother yes it was definitely full of surprises in our home. The second oldest sister and I were the closest because with two of our cousins we are all four in the close age range where we enjoyed being with each other . the four of us were each others childhood best friends. Where you seen one you seen the other three not too far away . That is where this story shall begin . our dads are brothers and they grew up in this place called Jumbo which I call the boondocks . generational property passed down for many many years back when the Indians had claims to this land , Our dads Great aunt which was known as a spinster lived in a one bedroom home which today still stands , that was built by her parents family for them to live in as she was a child , well if I remember correctly because she never had kids of her own she really didn't take too well with kids and preferred to be left alone , the story that has stuck with us today that we were told as kids was she passed away in her home and if you listen closely you can hear her footsteps as she walks up and down the oil top road in which we loved to play on. Maybe this is why our dads told us this to see if we would still stay out playing during the summer nights or if we would be too scared to. If you don't think this is scary imagine being 10 years old and love playing outside all hours of the night . I guess my dad and uncle had a lot of laughs back then because the four of us would grab flashlights and walk and every time we walked past the little abandoned home one of us would say something and we would all take off running as if we heard her footsteps and it seemed every time one of us would be left behind as the other three teamed up and ran as fast as they could, I remember one time I thought I was going to pee my pants trying to keep up and not be left behind because being scared in my mind I really thought the footsteps were close and real and I couldn't run fast enough.. The crazy silly things we do when we are young but to make matters worse we would all end up in our cousins bedroom and an imagination can really stir up a child's mind . the street light that was outside my cousins bedroom window would dazzle in with this extra shadow that displayed across the center of their bedroom floor in the shape of what looked like the devils fork . after running from the footsteps we would be whispering and shaking all of us scared not wanting to go to sleep but we all knew we better not wake anyone else up. That same episode happened more so than not in those days as if being scared became a game amongst the four of us . as I look back at those days I now know why I don't like scary movies.we had our own scary movie we played in during those days. my sister and I talk about our child hood quiet a bit and we just laugh about the footsteps we thought we heard because the Joke was played on us . If you look at the picture that is the one bedroom home that still stands at this time and the black oil top road that we would keep busy with our feet.
By Karen Green3 years ago in Confessions
Moving Through Feeling
Dear Vocal, It’s time to part ways. It is neither good nor bad, it just is. The truth is I'm angry. Even as I write these words I find myself dissociating. It has been a journey to find me. I thought it began when my grandmother passed but now I know it has always been me. Steering me towards the truth of me. I am awareness.
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