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First Taste of Fear

It's just a dream

By Amaya DreamDrivenPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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First Taste of Fear
Photo by Shannon Kunkle on Unsplash

My first memories revolve around a set of nightmares I had as a very young child. My childhood wasn't the worst, but my parents were not ready. My dad was a violent alcoholic. I've heard various rumors about drug abuse but he's never confirmed it. My mother just can't keep her hands off shit that isn't hers. More stories of them are coming. Y'all won't believe some of the things I have to share I'm sure. My first 3 years were full of violence and craziness. Then at 3 my mom was arrested and I was sent to live with my maternal grandparents who raised me. They tried.

My first nightmare, or the first Ill share, is of my father. Both that I'm sharing tonight fed off of each other every night for years. My dad was 17 when I was born, a couple months shy of 18. His childhood wasn't easy either. As an adult looking back his struggles make a lot of sense. As a small child though he terrified me. His older sister raised him, and in turn she took care of me during his visitation time before he was ready to really be there. She had two kids, we'll call them Brandon and Angela. Brandon was 6 years older than Angela and I. The two of us were only 2 months apart and inseparable. She was my first best friend.

In the dream the three of us are playing in their front yard. We all grew up fairly poor in the mountains. Their front yard was dirt, lined with loosely built rock walls. We used to balance and walk along the walls lining their property. So, we're playing outside, walking the walls. The sky gets dark and my Daddy's jeep comes flying in the driveway. Literally flying. He slams into the side of the house and my Aunt comes out yelling for us to run. Brandon makes it across the yard to the woods and is safe. He stands there calling to Angela and me. "Come on before it falls!". Then it falls. The rock wall crumbles and all the dry cracked dirt turns to a river of flaming lava. There are random stones from the wall floating. I'm standing on one, Angela on another. She floats over to her big brother who pulls her from the flames. But I'm stuck. Meanwhile, my Daddy is standing at the door to the house framed in a gorgeous gothic style arch. Now... let me say I'm 3 maybe 4 years old. I have no idea how old I was when they started. I just know the nightmares are my earliest memories. As I got older I put pieces together and eventually managed to make sense of the whole thing enough to let go of the fear associated with sleep. But I have no idea where some of the visualizations came from. I remember this arch being huge, towering above Daddys head with two huge black doors framed in flames dancing around the edges. The detail on the doors and arch is all in gold. Leaves and vines twisting through and around the pitch black and fire red background. Sparkling and melting in the heat. Behind him I can vaguely make out a figure. I start calling, I know Daddy loves me. He obviously holds power here. He will help me. "Daddy! Help! Please! It's too hot!" Suddenly a walkway appears. The stones from the wall all float together and form a bridge. He starts walking down a set of stairs that seem to appear as he makes contact. Like they're sitting just under the lava, the pressure of his weight giving them their shape under the fast flowing torrent of fire and debris. At the bottom of the stairs he reaches out, "Come on baby, Daddy's got you. Come on to Daddy." I hesitate. "Amaya!! What did I say?! Don't you believe me?! You know Daddy loves you. Hurry now" But behind him the figure is emerging through the door, urging him to come. "Amaya! I said come here. Come on" His words slow to almost unintelligible. Hes looking at me in a way that says it isn't safe to go. But he's my Daddy. Then as I start running toward him he looks up and gives a smile, the smile someone gives when they know they're about to do something terrible. The smile people give when they're enjoying the pain they're causing. Then, through the smile and evil eyes his face bursts into flames, melting away the face I know as my Daddy. His nose is gone. skeletal and blood red, his face starts flinching. The smile never left. But now.. He isnt him anymore. He's evil. pure evil. He runs at me. I freeze. I fall. I wake up.

Family
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