Fighting is not over

Today I feel tired. But not physically tired, but the kind of tired you feel when you try so many things, put hope into, but nothing comes out. You have patience, that your efforts will pay off, you keep showing up for work day in, day out, but after months of work, the results are still shy to come out.

They all say that’s the struggle everyone who eventually ended up successful had been through at some point. You need to keep going, push through and one day you will see results.

But no one is talking about the times they almost quit. Or the people who quit don’t talk about the moment they felt it’s no use, so they had to put their energy elsewhere. But maybe they quit just 5 months too early from their big success, because they’ll never know.

I’ve seen so many accounts here on medium with 2-3 articles posted a few years’ back, very good stories, I even followed them, only then I noticed they have not been posted since and they have 0 followers. I’m trying to imagine now; what kind of success they might have had if they kept writing.

I’ve also read somewhere that some people with 10k followers have sometimes no more than a few dozen reads. You’re up there, in the big names, you think you’re doing well, people want to know what you write, people want to buy your work, but out of the blue, your viewers just stop reading your work. Maybe you keep writing as best as always or even better, but you feel it’s out of your hands. You can’t really do anything more than that, you can’t go through your screen and stop people from whatever their doing and make them read your work.

I’m also very tired from finding my base income job, it’s been a couple of months since I had an interview, but it was a period of time really draining altogether. The state of the world economy seems like is crashing down, it feels like some years from now we won’t be able to find proper food, most likely heating up your home will be a luxury for most of the population and humans will have difficult choices to make.

This certainly doesn’t look like a good place to bring children into, yet some people feel that they need to force women to give birth so they’ll have more tax payers to cover up the loses.

Current event makes me so sad and scared sometimes, the world out there seems a violent, horrible place, food is expensive, housing is ridiculously expensive, people are cold and mean, the rich people force poor people to give up control over their bodies.

This just makes me crawl in a hole and never get out. That’s a sign of depression, and that is dangerous. But some days you really can’t help it. This world makes it very difficult to see about your business, enjoy your day, enjoy time with the people you love, I mean, how could you? If you open the TV it only says about wars, food and combustible prices doubling, drought, extreme temperatures, diseases and so on, the list is infinite.

But a list of nice things? Good things people are doing? Because it only seems to me that the majority of the time people are destroying everything around them. People are using too much water, too much energy, drive their cars too often, buy things they don’t need. I recently spent 2 weeks at the house of a distant relative who had running water only 1 hour a day. That took me out of my comfort zone a bit, I had to save water in some big recipients for a few days in 1 hour, I had to wash dishes with no running water, I had to turn the washing machine for 30 minutes and introduce water in the detergent compartment when it stopped getting water in, because the pressure was minimal.

Bottom line is, it’s very difficult to live without running water, and so many people are doing it, many people don’t have electricity, or food, but they survive, not only, they thrive.

That made me reconsider how much water I spend washing dishes, and that alone is a very big change for the environment, is a big change for the drought, and food would not get so expensive and toxic. Some countries in Europe are not allowed to water their vegetable garden or wash their car, is that bad. So why are not more people worried about this?

Today I feel tired, I feel sad, but I still want to try and fill my cup with love, because this is what the world needs most right now, love. May tomorrow be a better day. Who knows.