Fat Lives Matter by Tiffany Wormack
Yummy to my Tummy
What has 86% water, 9% carbohydrates, 3% protein, with a daily value of Vitamin C, K, some B with essential minerals and dietary fiber? Would you like a hint? It is not ice cream, gelato, or mac and cheese.
It is no secret. Fat couples struggle. When he is at the gym, I am in the refrigerator. When I am on my paleo diet, he is still at the gym but probably somewhere in the corner taking a nap after we just had a ton of cheddar bay biscuits, sweet tea, and seafood. I keep saying to myself, “FAT LIVES MATTER!” Go ahead and marry him. We are not the only fat couple in Fayetteville. My friend is a paramedic, she and her fat fiance, a Native Physician’s Assistant are a nerdy fat couple. Their daily sex life consists of CNN, MSNBC, exchanging Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook pics of aphrodisiac meals that super stimulate sexual desire. One night she told me that she placed one half of an opened PB&J sandwich on his fat belly and licked it off slowly as he squeezed a tube of whip cream in her long brown hair. The next day for lunch it gets even better, they met in the back of the ambulance. I have no clue how they both fit their extremely obese aspirins on a stretcher at the same time. But they spent the entire lunch hour rubbing a crazy pineapple all over their fat bodies while performing fellatio. WTF? How in God’s green earth did he stuff shrimp, avocado, a ton of heated mozzarella cheese, shredded beef, and his wiener under her fat girl thong which is really the size of the average planet fitness jump rope. I envy their relationship. It is utter romance, hot sex, and spontaneity. While he and I just age like a car loan that never gets paid off. If I had to describe our total existence here on Earth, I could sum it up in one two syllable word: Boring! B to the O to the R to the ING! Kill yourself. Just commit suicide.
So I sent him to a sex therapist and she referred him to a family physician or general practitioner who placed him on a diet consisting of cruciferous or leafy vegetables and water pills. You know the infamous blood pressure pills? The super villain in the world of hot sex on the platter. I just knew that he would come back with the good news about his new penis pump or that maybe he would show me his new ginseng energy booster pills or old man viagra blue pills… Anything but… Let’s just say any hopes of post pandemic hip hop sexual pleasure or “Big, Big, Energy” by Latto is as dead as that green frog that everyone posts.
And then it happened, he audaciously had the nerve to try and propose at our favorite dating spot which is literally anywhere that serves good food. I had a feeling or unction from the holy spirit that the conversation was going in the direction of fifty years of marital chronic boredom bliss so I had to create a diversion. As soon as he looked like he was about to pop the question, I slipped my Jordans in the aisle and fortunately the server trips and stumbles, then spills a bowl of "crispy, ginger, soy, brussel sprouts," on his shirt resulting in a mini tirade which almost caused a physical altercation with the staff, him, and other angry patrons. Luckily for us, when the commotion settled, he got up off that bad knee and lost the nerve to pop the question affording us an opportunity to enjoy our first bowl of the best brussel sprouts of the summer which may lead to our first night of erotic pleasure. Wink! Wink!
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Ni' Hao by Tiffany Wormack
There weren't always dragons in the Valley. Until San Jose’ better known as Silicon Valley was flooded by rains and huge strong winds. Buildings were cracking and starting to lean as if they were about to tip over. Vehicles like chargers, camaros, and other employee fast cars that were freshly wrapped in expensive paint were starting to sink and become almost submerged in rainwater. When a young full of life business intern, an Asian girl named Ni’Hao was working in Silicon Valley at the time and could not cope with the bad weather. She lived through one psunami in her country and became frightened and did not want a repeat of bad experiences with natural disaster. Subsequently, she kneeled before the children’s Buddha to pray for their protection and then kneeled to pray to the Mahayana Buddha for a statewide protection against natural disaster in California. She was reluctant to pray because she recently prayed against the wildfires but periodically they kept coming. This time she prayed a special prayer with more specific requests for the protection of all Cali employees, students, and residents. To her dismay. Within a twinkle of an eye, then came the spiritual dragon, better known as (Shenlong). Shenlong was the ruler of the rains and winds. Ni’Hao had heard stories and fables from her continent of dragons roaming the earth but her wide eyes stretched wider and wider in disbelief as her mouth hung open as wide as the Grand Canyon. She was flabbergasted. Standing before her was a real giant and then all of a sudden appeared a second one called “The Earth Dragon” named (Dilong). Dilong controlled the waterways in San Jose. It had eyes like shiny jewels and razor sharp teeth with a huge iguana like tail.
By Tiffany Wormack2 years ago in Fiction
I Hate Father's Day
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Comments (1)
Wow, is all I can say lol! Poor thing, he wanted to propose...but I do understand not wanting to live a life of pure boredom. Life is too short to just co-exsist with someone! Get on with your life and find someone that gives you that spark and desire! That one where u can have a romantic evening eating whatever your hearts desire. Have your days where you work out together, go for romantic walks, go to dinner, help stimulate each other mentally and physically. I bet after while that big throw down in the bedroom gonna be crazy lmoa!!! First thing is that you must stop settling! Closed that door so a bigger and better one will open!